So much win

The best things about the comments section in this Deadspin post are 1) while nobody is commenting directly on the post, they’re all making jokes based on it, and 2) all of those jokes are hilariously random. I may end up visiting Deadspin more often, just for the funny commenters. Deadspin: what Gawker was 5 years ago.

Sigh. Giggle. Sigh.

I would very much like to be Edith Zimmerman when I grow up. Why?

Is it because she does adorable crafts? No. I also do adorable crafts.

Is it because she is the editor and a popular blogger on a well-known web site? No, I’m far too lazy to admire that sort of consistent productivity.

The reason that Edith is my new hero is that she somehow managed to turn what could have been another boring celebrity profile, this time of Chris Evans, into something that completely transcends the celebrity profile genre. There’s humor, there’s pathos, there’s pecs. Allegedly.

Since we’re the same age and live concurrently, there’s no possible way for me to be reincarnated as Edith, but I’d like to live a day in her life, or at least somehow get the opportunity to give her first-hand information about what Chris Evan’s chest feels like.

Advice for young girls, or Ask a Disney Princess

Love it or hate it, the Disney Princesses hold a lot of sway with the younger set. If you don’t feel like sitting through 90+ minutes of some motherless waif ruthlessly changing herself in order to obtain true love, the princesses themselves have been kind enough to boil their life lessons into soundbite-length words of wisdom.

Belle:

Ariel:

Snow White:

You’re never too young to shill for your family

This is what Porkchop is wearing right now. I didn’t buy it, and it isn’t true, but I do appreciate that she’s already trying to help me protect my interests.

I’ve officially seen everything

Or, Google for weddings. Because why not?

Poker Poker Poker

I’m in fabulous Atlantic City where the boyfriend is playing poker tournaments this weekend. It’s kind of great to be in the midst of this and watch so many talented pros and amateurs (and then there are the donkeys) sit around the tables and try to out-think, out-play, and out-luck one another. As interesting as I find this, I’m learning that the organizer’s table is the place to be. These people have the best conversations and seem to know an insane number of players.
The female poker player who appeared on the millionaire matchmaker show was here. A friend told me about her and I’d figured that she would be Annie Duke (because she’s the only female poker player I can name off the top of my head), but I guessed wrong.
This person is Beth Shak and she’s kind of hilarious. The guys at the table were giving her a hard time for being on tv and looking so different in person (reason: she wasn’t wearing makeup IRL). She also took a jet to Atlantic City on the program, which they found especially amusing, since she was coming from within New Jersey at the time.
She had a boyfriend at the time she was on the show, which is what I find most amusing about the whole thing. She looks to be in her thirties, but her grandfather boyfriend looks significantly older. I guess that a smart, interesting, philanthropic millionaire female poker player isn’t considered to be appealing to television viewers without some sort of romantic hook, which is just a shame.

Cringeworthy, but maybe not actionable

I guess I’m probably the last person in the world to have seen this video, which I’ve been hearing about for a few days. I didn’t know all the details until now, but now I face a different kind of puzzlement: why would anybody want to sue over this? The woman was completely unbothered by the details of her surroundings, until she ended up soaking wet. Why does she think that she has any case? What would be the grounds? Nobody pushed her in, nobody impeded her exit from the fountain. I think it’s time for America to admit that 1) not all embarrassing behavior should be rewarded with attention and 2) not every instance of public embarrassment should end in a lawsuit.

If you don’t love this, you have no soul

Steroid Liza

Gentle Reader, have you ever wondered what would happen if a tiny guy with a Napoleon complex channeled Liza Minnelli? Me neither, but I found out today. Without further ado, I present Steroid Liza, aka David Barton.

Actual Liza Minnelli, for the purpose of comparison

Someone else will put it back

Those are the words that you say to yourself when you’ve put down an unwanted item in a different part of the store than where you found it. Or maybe that’s just me. Anyway, somebody went and (as you do) made a web site about it. There are some pretty hilarious juxtapositions there, and the captions often make them even funnier. The picture below is from that site.

Admit it, every scenario you can come up with for these items being together is pretty damn creepy.