Okay, but how do I get him to respond to me?

I’ve pretty much abandoned Twitter, so as not to use up my lifetime allotment of words before I exit my 20s, but I’m almost tempted to go back. Why? Because Isaiah Mustafa, aka the Old Spice Guy, aka Nicole’s Future Husband, sometimes responds to people. Now, looking at the usernames, you’ll see that these people are all celebrities (of both the Real and Internet varieties). It almost makes me want to write my brilliant novel years ahead of schedule, just to bring me to the notice of the Old Spice people, so that I’d get my own personal message.

Almost.

Pattern recognition

That video has always been my favorite moment from The Price is Right (Drew Carey’s lack of enthusiasm notwithstanding), and it’s nice to know the story (or stories) behind it. I think it’s kind of cool that people not named Terry or Ted will probably never know exactly what happened that day.

I will not make the obvious monkey joke here

This is a mostly sweet, somewhat hilarious article about a one armed, one legged monkey that copies everything done by the farmer who saved him by amputated his rotting arm and leg. It’s sweet that the monkey looks up to the man enough to do what he does, it’s hilarious that one of those things is the repeated slaughter of the farmer’s chickens and eggs.

Any idiot with Microsoft Word and five minutes can make a poster

Except for this one.

Lie Blog: Does what it says on the tin

I decided to stop picking on Fox News for a while (since that was unintentional anyway), and link to Lie Blog, which is completely honest about its dishonesty.

Anything can be turned into a horror film

Simply by changing the order in which events occurred, redirectig the focus, and adding some ominous music, Office Space becomes a thriller.

Luckier than I knew

I’d like to thank Apple’s overloaded web site and AT&T Premier for preventing me from ordering an iPhone 4 last week. I was initially pretty bummed out, especially when I learned how long I’d have to wait to get a phone if I ordered online any day after June 15 (and AT&T isn’t taking new orders until June 29), but now I’m feeling pretty okay about “missing out.”

A lot of iPhone 4 owners have experienced a loss of signal or dropped calls when they hold their phones in the left hands. I’m left-handed. This means that I generally hold things in my left hand. It seems that using this phone would not go well for me.

Steve Jobs is all over this one, promising that Apple will do everything they can to fix this problem ASAP. Just kidding. Actually, he’s telling people that it’s not an issue, or maybe it’s not much of an issue, or that they just shouldn’t hold the phone that way. Because now there’s an Apple-endorsed way to hold a cell phone? Madness! Real Steve Jobs is starting to sound more and more like Fake Steve Jobs.

If there was a Webby for best art accompanying blog posts, Engadget would have to win it:

Finally, here’s Apple’s official response:

Gripping any mobile phone will result in some attenuation of its antenna performance, with certain places being worse than others depending on the placement of the antennas. This is a fact of life for every wireless phone. If you ever experience this on your iPhone 4, avoid gripping it in the lower left corner in a way that covers both sides of the black strip in the metal band, or simply use one of many available cases.

Why didn’t I know about Perry Bible Fellowship comics before?

I’m really getting a kick out of these.

I could get behind this

These elderly (but spry!) Japanese cheerleaders are inspiring, especially because I probably won’t start exercising again until I’m at least their age.

Satanski shows us how to march in a parade

My nephew marched with my library during today’s Memorial Day parade. You’d think a 5-year-old wouldn’t be able to teach us anything about how to get from the beginning of the parade to the end. You’d be wrong.

I don’t know why every parade marcher doesn’t break this out at some point during the parade route.