Really, ladies?

Dear Chris Brown/other assault-y scumbags –

Buzzfeed has helpfully compiled a list of 25 women with no self-respect. I’m sure that there are plenty more women out there who helpfully posted similar opinions on various social networks, and that Buzzfeed’s editors just got too depressed to highlight any more of them.

Here’s a sampler of that list:

Free with your five star review

I’ve been reading a  lot today about VIP Deals, a company obviously run by boneheaded morons. They offered to (and did) refund Amazon.com customers’ purchases if they reviewed a VIP Deals product that they purchased, the Vipertek Kindle Fire case. The incredibly helpful company strongly hinted that these reviews should give the products 5 stars. As of last week, 93% of the case’s reviews gave it 5 stars. Amazon for its part, denied knowing of any wrongdoing before being approached by the New York Times about this matter. Within days though, the reviews were gone from the online merchant, and the product went from unavailable to being removed entirely from Amazon.com.

This whole sequence of events leaves me with a ton of questions. The first is, how did VIP Deals even make any money off of this? They refunded customers’ entire purchases in return for (favorable) reviews. There’s no way to know if everybody who bought this case received the offer, or how many of them accepted it, but I wonder how many customers actually ended up paying for this item? Was it really cheap enough to make that the amount paid by those who didn’t write reviews covered the costs of those who did? Also, how did Amazon not smell a rat with this? It’s pretty telling that some of the reviews even mentioned a deal or having their money refunded. While I don’t expect a human at Amazon to read every single review before it’s posted (even though that’s what the retailer says happens), you’d think that somebody, human or machine, would have caught wind of something weird with this item.

No, slaves and beatings are not appropriate subjects for word problems

What reasonable human being would think that writing about the amount of fruit slaves could pick or beatings they endured would be a reasonable subject for third grade math problems? How did this seem like a good idea?

If you were a librarian, you’d get emails like this, too

I get the oddest work-related emails:

I admit. I am a crazy cat lady, but my obsession is currently contained to three kitties in home…but that doesn’t mean I’m not obsessed with Maru. YOU KNOW MARU. You have to know Maru. He’s a YouTube sensation! This Japanese Scottish Fold (that sounds oxymoronic) is famous for fitting himself into teensy boxes, jamming his head into paper bags, jumping in and out of pails, and basically being the cutest critter, ever. William Morrow will be introducing the American version of owner mugumogu’s international bestseller, the eponymous I AM MARU, on 8/23/11 ($15.99; ISBN 13: 9780062088413). The US version also features a special edition inside jacket poster and adorable four-color photos on each page. It’s a great book for any cat lover (and legions of rabid Maru fans who have been buying the Japanese version on Amazon for $49.00!).

We would love to invite our cat loving friends to have an advanced preview of I AM MARU – click the image below to log into NetGalley, and get ready for a cute overlord moment!

Have a purrfect weekend!

Love & paws for thought,

[Redacted]

In case you had any doubt, it should now be clear that there is not limit to how much PR people will debase themselves for their job.

Total downgrade

Seriously, Kal Penn???

Target’s Anti-Union Web site is, um, really blatantly anti-union

I get that not all professions or jobs need unions, but it’s kind of insane how Target doesn’t even pretend to be even-handed with their “informational” web site on how being a part of a union would affect their employees. Their scare tactics touch on everything from take-home salary to health benefits. Target’s message seems to be: “You don’t need a union. We’ll take care of you, promise! If you do join, we may have to lower your salary and/or decrease your health benefits. No pressure, though.” The current focus of this site is the store’s Valley Stream, NY employees. I wish them good luck throughout this process, and hope that their working conditions improve, regardless of the outcome of this election.

Here’s a lower place

Just when I thought that the international mania surrounding the royal wedding couldn’t get any more ridiculous, I came across this gem: Knit Your Own Royal Wedding. That’s right, knitters: should the royal couple have forgotten to invite you to their zoo of a wedding, you can console yourself by knitting tiny representations of them. Because that’s not creepy at all. And the worst part is that, as of the time of this post, this book is #499 in Books. Not crafting books. ALL books.

Cripes

Dear Arizonans,

What does one buy when one’s state representative was, along with several other people, gunned down in a shocking mass shooting? Hint: the answer should not be “the type of gun used to commit the attack.”

I fully expected that there would be a run on Bibles or something, but not guns. Silly, naive Nicole.

What is “Something I’m going to regret faster than I would have expected,” Alex?

The answer: Legally changing my name to the ridiculous nickname of a television character.

Although Castle has recently supplanted Chuck as my favorite still-running tv show, I am still really enjoying this season of the nerd/spy dramedy. Chuck as both a show and a character had been getting on my nerves ever since the most recent, and probably final, death of Agent Superman (whose actual name I have aleady forgotten).

His abs I remember just fine.

Luckily, the show somehow turned around for me over the last several episodes, and now I’m firmly back on Team Chuck. Even at its worst, Chuck is a smart and funny show that turns its minuscule CGI budget (I guess they’re not too flush after paying all the cool guest stars like Richard Chamberlain, Summer Glau [reunited with her Firefly co-star, the delusional Adam Baldwin], and Nicole’s Future Husband Isaiah Mustafa) into a selling point, instead of a reason for despair.

I guess I’m  not the only one whose life is enriched by Chuck. I watch it for the lulz, and the former Douglas Allen Smith, Jr. watches it for…motivation? I say former because this man’s legal name is now Captain Awesome, which is the nickname of Chuck’s ridiculously good-looking doctor brother-in-law.

Another shirtless/towel pic, merely for comparison's sake. You're welcome, comparison.

I get why this show is so cool and Captain Awesome in particular is pretty special, but why would anybody do this? The real-life Mr. Awesome’s new signature, which is a smiley face bracketed by arrows, has been rejected by his bank because it’s too easy to forge. I can’t even imagine what other stupid consequences he may have to face because of his new name. I think that the judge who granted the name change was smart to allow this; sometimes you have to do really stupid things in order to learn valuable lessons. Unless the world is nicer than I suspect it to be, I give this name change 5 years, tops.

Sigh

I would like one day to be a juror, but am terrified of the people who end up on jury duty. Being around people that dumb can’t be good for you.