Gossip is bad, mmkay?

This is why we shouldn’t spread rumors.

Probably not satire, but who can tell anymore?

The post in question, entitled “Bible Ignored, Trainer Dies,” is about Tillikum, the Sea World killer whale that killed trainer Dawn Brancheau. I somehow think that enacting biblical-style revenge the first time this animal killed a human wouldn’t have been the best idea ever, but I’m just a godless heathen, so what do I know? I think that maybe just never putting her in a position where this could happen again (release or just removal from areas where humans might be) would be enough, but then again I’m just not into killing things.

This week’s Onion headline that is probably true

Olympic Athletes Hoping to Exchange Bent-Up Medals for Normal Ones

This week’s real headline that reads like it’s from the Onion

German Luger Chips a Tooth Biting His Medal

Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids

Finally!! For the suicidal rich person who has everything, who went around the world in 79 days, and who has been flown to space twice, here comes the personal jet pack! Now you can be like the Rocketeer or Elton John and explore the atmosphere all on your own. Although both of these models are still in development, you can stock up now on your most flattering leather and just the right designer goggles (hell, you have time to design your own), so you’ll be ready when these babies finally roll off the assembly line.

I love the smell of schadenfreude in the morning

More Olympics silliness. Dutch speed skater Sven Kramer won the gold medal in the Mens’ 5000 meter race. Yippee! That part is pretty awesome. But then he acted like a jerk to a reporter who wanted to interview him afterward.

She asked him to identify himself and his country, and he refused, asking her, “Are you stupid?” Not nice, Sven, not nice, especially since she said it was for tape identification. I understand that he just won a gold medal and is supremely important in his own country, but we don’t really care about that stuff in the US. Sorry. I can identify two speed skaters on sight, and can only tell them apart because they’re both cute. If Sven could find a way to incorporate touchdowns or homeruns into speed skating, he would definitely increase his odds of being recognized by the average American.

Still, I can understand how he’d be frustrated that a reporter covering the event he just won would ask him who he was. So maybe a bit of sarcasm would have been in order, but “Are you stupid?” is never a nice thing to say to somebody. And karma is a bitch. So I smirked a bit when I read that Kramer would have set a record and won gold in the 10,000 meter race, but followed incorrect instructions from his coach and crossed into the wrong lane, resulting in his disqualification. That sucks, and he still had to give interviews afterward.

I wonder if he was nicer to this batch of reporters.

“La la la la la, I can’t hear you,” he cried

I wonder how sick Tim Gun is of the phrase “make it work.” It’s a very reasonable and encouraging piece of advice that is uttered by the interviewer  in (or used somewhere in the text of) almost every Tim Gunn interview I’ve read. If I’m sick of reading it, how must he feel? That being said, although he can obviously do no wrong, my love of Mr. Gunn has grown a little bit now that I see that his opinions regarding all other reality tv shows nicely complement my own.

Evgeni Plushenko: The gift that keeps on giving

As if the whole Evgeni Plushenko thing wasn’t funny enough on its own (and it is), the matter has become even more bizarre, what with the involvement of Russian president Vladimir Putin (his public message to Plushenko said “Your silver is as good as gold.“), and Plushenko posting on his web site that he actually won a platinum medal. Oh. My. God. This guy is like the king of all sore losers, even going so far as to create an entirely new medal to commemorate his imagined awesomeness. (via Virginia & Josh)

The Figure Skating equivalent of the Internet Tough Guy

There are a few accepted pursuits that will allow a man to be considered manly whilst wearing spandex. They are: superhero, cyclist, swimmer (yes, please). Figure skating is not considered to be a very manly pursuit. It’s aimed at female audiences, and pretty much every guy I know will give at least a token grumble when it’s put on tv. So I can’t even explain how much I love what a baby Evgeni Plushenko is being about not having won the gold medal. He refused to shake the hand of Evan Lysacek, who did win the gold, and then made the following remarks:

“I was positive that I won. But I saw that Evan needs a medal more than I do. Maybe because I already have one.”

and

“If the Olympic champion doesn’t know how to jump a quad, I don’t know,” Plushenko said. “Now it’s not men’s figure skating. It’s dancing. Maybe figure skating needs a new name.”

Let’s consider this: a disgruntled figure skater is talking smack? I do not question the athleticism required by figure skating, but seriously?? You are not that hardcore, buddy.

Craziness

I’m wonder if yesterday’s post made it sound like I hate children, which actually couldn’t be further from the truth. I like kids, and kids really like me. I’m the Baby Whisperer. You give me a fussy kid and me holding them generally quiets them down pretty quickly (note: this only works on babies who don’t know me very well – I guess my charm is in my newness). I just try not to be all, “Won’t somebody think about the children??” when it comes to a everything. I think that sometimes people give up too much in the name of protecting children, to nobody’s benefit.

Unless, of course, protecting children is exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. In which case, you’d better earn your keep. I just read the most horrific story about Our Little Rugratz, a daycare center in Jersey City that left behind a two-year-old after a field trip to New York City. Are you kidding me? My 19-year-old cousin was in Manhattan on Saturday and wouldn’t even let me leave him in Chinatown, where he was supposed to meet up with his friends.

How is it possible that people in charge of multiple children didn’t count obsessively to see if they had everybody? Kids wander off all the time, so if they’d known that they were missing one child, that would have been more understandable. But they didn’t. They left Emily Grogan in New York, and didn’t realize it until several hours had passed. Oh. My. God. And the first indication that parents Amy and Joseph Grogan had that something was wrong was when Amy went to pick up Emily. I’m so sorry that her parents had to go through that, and completely understand why the Grogans have pressed charges against Iris and Luis Pietri, the owners of the daycare center.