This is me drawing the line

I don’t care if it means that I’m ancient, but I cannot get on board with that Ke$ha song “Tik-Tok.” I guess I should have been tipped off by the fact that every time I’ve seen it mentioned online, it isn’t accompanied by an mp3 or video. That’s a sign, right? Even the people whose jobs it is to talk about stuff like this don’t actually want to hear it.

Just to be clear, it’s not that I hate all new music indiscriminately.  I know what I like, but there’s always room in my heart, and on my mp3 player, for some new tunes. I like good pop, and I’m pretty much a lock when it comes to fun party songs. So, even if it didn’t replace “Just Dance” in my heart, it was entirely possible that I wasn’t going to hate “Tik-Tok.”

But the reality is far different (and worse) than what I’d imagined. The song is Autotuned to death, so much so that I have no idea whether Ke$ha can actually sing. I’m not rushing to listen to any of her other songs to find out, either. Plus the lyrics are lazy. As if that wasn’t bad enough, it also features the most insipid, Valley Girl-sounding talk/singing since Moon Unit Zappa (and that was parody; what’s Ke$ha’s excuse?).

I contrast the awful “Tik-Tok” with “How Do You Do,” by Natasha Bedingfield. Why? I’m not going to pretend that these songs have anything in common, but the former is awful and popular, while the latter is good and (at least according Amazon mp3 and iTunes, where it can’t even be purchased) not popular. I heard it the other day while I was at the mall, and was totally blown away by it. I was trying to converse with my friend and still listen to the song at the same time, so that I could memorize the lyrics and buy the song when I got home (that’s right: I’m so old, I BUY my music). I thought that I recognized Bedingfield’s voice, but I wasn’t positive. I googled her name and what I remembered of the lyrics, and came up with nada. I thought that maybe I’d been wrong, but then I remembered the “if you won’t say it, I will” line, and when I gooogled that, I hit the jackpot. It seems that this song was included on an import CD that failed to go far. I’ll have to buy the CD if I want the song, and I’m almost willing to do that.

Anyway, I’m sure that there are people who will prefer “Tik-Tok” to “How Do You Do?” and those who will not like either of them. But just to make it easy for you to form an opinion, I’m including both of the songs below. Neither of these videos are really videos; they’re just the songs.

Now get off my lawn.