Today in stupid criminals

This article is equal parts touching, hilarious, and ridiculous, but only because of how stupid this man is and the fact that the dog is unharmed. Who knew that there could be a pit bull crime story in which the pit bull was the victim??

This crime seems like an excellent foundation for a buddy comedy. The character based on Robert Biss would obviously be the idiot sidekick that our (at least slightly smarter) protagonist would try and fail to keep out of trouble.

The logic behind this crime seriously sounds like the caliber of explanation that my 6 year-old nephew gives me right before I place him in time out:

Biss became concerned that shelter personnel would not approve of his application to adopt the dog, so, when given an opportunity to walk the dog on a leash, Biss placed the dog in his vehicle and stole her from the animal shelter.

I’m guessing that his adoption application is definitely going to be denied now.