Please stop being so retarded, people

Who knew that a back to school speech could cause such an uproar? I think it’s pretty sad that people are keeping their children home from school and that some school districts are requiring parents to opt their children in to hear a speech by the President of the United States. I know! The President. Not some random dude in an office or anything. I understand that using the phrases “socialist agenda” and “left-leaning” to critique the President is generally another way to say “I’m a raging idiot and/or racist asshole,” but I still find this pretty disappointing. The worst part is that the text of the speech is up on the White House’s web site, so there’s no reason to speculate as to its content.

This, from the CNN article that I linked to above, is one of the scariest things I’ve ever read, “”I believe this is the greatest country on Earth, and I try to teach that to my children. … I don’t want them hearing that there’s a fundamental flaw with the country and the kids need to go forward to fix it.” I feel so sorry for this man’s children.

Who would want this?

I asked Satanski what he wanted me to bring him back from the zoo, but he said he didn’t know. I suspect that he just wanted to get off the phone; I think I called during SuperWhy. Anyway, I tried a different tack, and asked him which animal he liked the best. Naturally, because he’s angry and scary, he said tigers. With that in mind, I searched the zoo’s gift shop until I found a really adorable pair of tiger slippers. The only problem was that they were not labeled with a size, so I had to guess about whether they’d fit him. (Question I was asked, “How do you know what size shoe he wears?” I was temped, but somehow resisted saying “Voodoo,” although the truth “I’ve bought his last few pairs of sneakers” wasn’t as interesting.)

Sadly enough, although I’d bought the only small-kid size they had, the slippers were still too small for my kiddo. I also got him a wallet when we went to SeaWorld, but I still really like the idea of tiger slippers, so I went online looking for them. I’ve just started, so I’m not exactly  discouraged, but I haven’t been able to find any Satanski-sized pairs yet. What I did find was this scary freakshow of a pair.

I have no idea why any adult would buy those slippers, or any child would want them (but here’s the link for all you nutjobs out there). I cannot imagine sticking my feet in those things without worrying that I would pull back stumps.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing

I told Satanski that I’m a little grossed out by Spongebob Squarepants (due to that gross episode where he has the Suds), so of course he decided that all he wanted to do for the rest of the night was draw me various Spongebob-esque pictures. This only stopped when I told him that he couldn’t use any more sheets of paper until he’d used the backs of the sheets he’d already used. This is always the point at which he stops.

Here’s the gallery:

Times are not that desperate

I understand that we’re in a recession, and people are cutting back on paying others to do what they can really do for themselves. Some have learned to cut their own hair; others have done their own nails or forgone artificial tans. Still, I think we can all agree that there are some  things that you shouldn’t try to do for yourself; at some point you just have to admit that if you can’t afford it, it’s better just to wait. And tops on that list would have to be plastic surgery.

Let’s face it, no matter how much better you want to look, elective plastic surgery is not a necessity. It’s expensive, and requires many years of intensive training on cadavers and cadaverous trophy wives before one can really be said to master it. Why, then, did this woman try to perform her own plastic surgery? And then seem surprised when she effed up her face? How could this outcome not have seemed the likeliest to her? Of course, she then had to have an actual doctor perform several corrective surgeries to remove the liquid silicone that she’d injected into her face. Heckuva job, lady.

Again?

I never tire of asking what is wrong with people, and as usual, the dawning of a new day just brings me new people to despise and pity. The culprits this time? Some stupid yahoos in West Bend, Wisconsin, who think that censorship, law suits, and book-burning (literally) are perfectly cromulent responses to books in the Young Adult section that they find inappropriate. No rational person is going to argue that every book in a library is appropriate for every person who who may walk into that library. And I’m all for parents having a say over what media their children consume (until those kids are over 18 or paying their own way in life). But instead of these people just telling their own children not to read certain books, which would be well within their rights as parents, they want to label and move books and prevent other people’s children from having access to them, too.

Instead of being ashamed of themselves for being so fearful and hiding their intolerance from the world, such people wear it proudly like a badge and want to get more people to join their crusade. Ginny Maziarka is one of the spokespeople for the efforts to censor the library’s materials and amend its policies for labeling young adult material. She seems to be the leader of those in West Bend who are trying to prevent other people’s children from reading things that their own parents may not find objectionable, and runs the West Bend Citizens for Safe Libraries web site.

This is what I don’t get about so many issues that people object to; if you don’t like it, don’t do it/watch it/listen to it/eat it, etc. Why should I have to live according to what you believe? And who gets to say what is appropriate anyway? I mean, I find those Purity Ball things highly suspect, but I would never force grown men to stop encouraging their daughters to wear prom dresses, don pseudo-wedding bands, and pledge their virginity to their fathers. Because that’s not creepy at all.

Thankfully, Ms. Maziarka does not speak for the entire town, and there is a reasonable response to that site, in the form of Sleepless in West Bend. The library is for everybody (even weirdos)! There are a lot of things in the library that I kind of give people the side-eye for even wanting to look at, but that doesn’t lessen my support for those items to stay in the library. I’m not sure how I missed out on hearing about this sooner, since Gawker covered it over a month ago.

Please stop laughing

Sadly enough, this article is real, and not something thought up by the good folks over at The Onion. That’s right, folks: more Liberty University/evolution class silliness, this time brought to you by the Washington Post. Because it wasn’t embarrassing enough when the local Lynchburg paper was doing the reporting. Professor DeWitt, from the earlier article, takes his Advanced Creation Studies class to the Smithsonian, and complains how only one side is presented. Please explain to me how advanced any theory can be that essentially boils down to “A wizard did it.” If I went to Liberty, though, I would definitely take that series of classes. Sounds like an easy A for sure, as long as the words creator, infinite wisdowm, and divine plan figure prominently in all responses to essay questions. The Washington Post article’s subtitle makes me so sad: Creationist Students Take Field Trip to Hotbed of Evolution: The Smithsonian. When your real life would make a suitably humorous Onion headline, it might be time to reevaluate the road that led you to that point.

Things that do not surprise me

I haven’t lived in Lynchburg, VA for six years (man, the years have flown by!), but I haven’t forgotten what it was like to live there, either. Every now and then I catch up with what’s going on there by visiting the web site of the News and Advance, the local newspaper. I was saddened, but in no way surprised to see this article about Liberty University’s position on evolution (hint: not favorable towards). I know a lot of people who I respect and think the world of who do not believe in evolution either (we agree to disagree), but I think that a whole institute of learning should probably know better than to endorse an untestable, untried, unprovable theory based on the an account written when people still believed that offering sacrifices of animals, vegetables, and PEOPLE could appease the gods.
My kind of alma mater, Randolph College, comes out looking infinitely more reasonable here.

Please hug a soldier

According to this article, the United States Army suspects that, when all the numbers are in, the total number of American soldiers who died in January in combat in Iraq and Afghanistan will be less than those who died by suicide. If you know a soldier, please reach out to that person and say that you recognize and appreciate his or her service. If you know a veteran, please thank that person for service rendered to this country. I think that everybody, regardless of whether one agrees with the reason that our troops are in these nations, understands that soldiers do a dangerous job and deserve recognition, thanks, and support.

I’m really disturbed by how hard I laughed at this Fark thread.

I don’t know why

but it seems that the world just sucks today. Horrible things happen all the time, but for some reason, things like this and this have really gotten me down today.

What is wrong with people?