There is not enough alcohol in the world

A friend of mine wants to go see He’s Just Not That into You. He really really wants to see that movie. He has asked more than once, and begging was involved. I said no every time though, because I suspect, in a 2009 that has brought viewings of The Unborn, My Bloody Valentine 3D, and The Uninvited, that He’s Just Not That into You could very well be the worst of the bunch. I have to be honest that his intense, totally unironic desire to see this movie makes me think poorly of his tastes in films (this is, after all, the same guy who got me to see Hot Rod). As if I needed further reason not to see He’s Just Not That into You, I found a hilarious post over at Que Sera Sera about seeing it. I appreciate that Sarah was able to make a drinking game out of the movie, but I think I’d probably put myself in an alcoholic coma if I tried this.

Ouch

Here’s a blurb from a review of Renee Zellwegger’s new movie, New in Town:

“There have been a lot of bad romantic comedies that have come along in recent months but this one really takes the cake–it is so condescending, so stupid and so utterly devoid of laughs, charm or recognizable entertainment value that I kept waiting for Kate Hudson to show up at some point to relieve Renee Zellweger of her duties and take over the lead role.” Peter Sobczynski of efilmcritic.com

I sort of imagine Bradley Whitford saying that, and then it’s even funnier.

I had no intention of seeing this, so I can revel in the halfheartedly wretched reviews and 12% fresh rating that it has garnered over on Rotten Tomatoes. I’m going to see the new Elizabeth Banks movie, The Uninvited tonight. That movie got a 41% fresh rating, which is kind of worrisome, but I haven’t read the reviews, so we’ll see tonight whether I agree!

I must have a habit of asking odd questions

I was talking on the phone with my friend Elizabeth, and was trying to describe to her something that is online, so we both went to our computers. She noticed that I’d sent her a message on Facebook, and that my message ended with a request for her favorite color. I love love love that she is so used to my oddness and non sequiturs that she didn’t think I actually wanted to know the answer. When I asked her again, and she realized that I was serious, she was amused, but answered. There’s a pair of yellow socks in her future…

Burning questions

A lot of ideas and questions enter my mind right before I go to sleep. Sometimes, upon waking, I remember these. Other times, I forget them, and then spend the rest of the next day convinced that I thought of and then discarded the next Slankie or something. And then that thought keeps me up at night as well…sometimes, I just can’t win.

Today, though, I remembered what I was wondering about last night. Have you ever seen those pictures of a seemingly unoccupied nature scene that say something like “There are 17 ninja Navy Seal Secret Service agents in this picture.”? The image on the right is one such ad. I want to know if they’re telling the truth, and there really are elite soldiers in this picture, or if they’re lying to me, and I’m being a big sucker for even wondering. Does anybody else ever think about this?

Reading really is fundamental. I saw a post on Lifehacker about Syncplicity finally opening their beta to Mac users, and so, having never heard of this software, I read on. The post mentioned something about file sharing, and I was intrigued. I don’t really do the whole file-sharing thing anymore, and I think a lot of other people have moved away from it, too, so I was interested in what Lifehacker recommended.

I downloaded the program, and was initially confused as to how it worked. Where was the interfact? How could I see what other people were offering? Since it was a private beta, I was willing to be a little more trusting and was hoping that I’d find some good and/or rare music. So I read the guide on how to get started, but still wasn’t seeing anything relevant to file-sharing. I went back to Lifehacker to reread the post, and lo and behold, it’s a file SYNCing program, to sync files and content across two (free) or more (paid subscription) computers.

I’m such a dummy. I can’t believe I misread that so many times. If I’d been thinking, which I clearly wasn’t even the program’s name would have tipped me off.

And, just having checked, it seems that MOST of my multitouch gestures are not working with Opera. The only thing that works right off the bat is navigating up and down a page. Bummer.

I’m really disturbed by how hard I laughed at this Fark thread.

lolXtians

I don’t often post about knitting on this blog, but I saw something too funny not to share. I just finished making a pair of mittens for my nephew, and the drastic drop in temperature has convinced me that I need to make a pair for myself, too. I wanted to make a pair of convertible mittens, because although traditional mittens are warmer than gloves, they allow for less mobility of the fingers; I would hate to have to pull off a mitten to reach into my bag for something. I was browsing different mittens patterns on Ravelry, and found a reference to “Mittens of the Beast.” I had no idea what that meant, but the name itself is hilarious, so I Googled it and found this blog, which in turn linked to thisgem of a post.

It sounds too stupid to be true, but a Christian knitter saw a pattern for a pair of mittens that included a pocket on top for a Charlie card and wrote a post on the Ravelry forums about how these mittens were for those who had had their skin embedded with RFID chips. She based this incorrect assumption on an unnamed broadcast she claims to have heard that talked specifically about a mittens pattern for those who had been embedded with an RFID chip. One interpretation of the Book of Revelation states that a time will come when people will have to take some form of microchip in order to buy or sell things in this world. This is known as the mark of the beast, and will separate the believers from the hellbait.

Barring how impractical it would be for any municipal transit corp to embed some people with chips when the current crop of plastic cards don’t even work all the time, think about it: why would someone who already had an RFID chip embedded in his or her body need an external pocket in a mitten to somehow speed along the identification process? How could an extra layer of anything between the chip and the sensor be considered as desirable? This is why people should only denigrate technology that they actually understand. This same principle applies to PC users who wander into Mac threads on Engadget. See what I did there?

The thread on the Ravlery forum in which this discussion appeared is still hilarious to read, nearly a year after the fact (you will have to be Ravelry member to read the forum). It’s now closed, but after the first few Reading is Fundamental types agreed with the original poster’s interpretation of the pattern, some cooler heads prevailed and pointed out the exact purpose of the pocket. Of course, idiocy means never having to say you’re sorry, so no genuine apology or expression of remorse followed, although she did admit that she was wrong about this particular heathen pattern. Several people actually pointed out that this kind of thing is why some non-Christians get such a kick out of laughing at illogical, religious Christians, and why evangelicals get such a bad rap.

Anyway, I know that there is a dedicated subset of Christians who live for opportunities to tie the current world to the end of times (DUN DUN DUH!!!!), but these people (and their unbowed descendants) have been wrong for over 150 years, and I’m starting to think they may be trying too hard to connect unrelated things. In order to help them along, I leave them with one bit of advice.The book is called Revelation. I know you’ve been saying it with an extra “s” all these years, mostly because you’ve never read it, but I’m sure that, with practice, you, too can learn the name of your holy book’s final testament. If all else fails, just remember the commercials for 1-800-Mattres: Leave off the last “s” for sinners.

The story behind these mittens amuse me so much that I believe I will be making myself a pair.

More terrifying than the original

I never got those Toyota “Saved by Zero” ads. How is 0% financing going to save you if you probably shouldn’t be buying a car in the first place? I mean, I guess you’ll appreciate the extra three months before it gets repossessed, but you know that buying a car in this economic climate probably wasn’t a good idea in the first place. Plus, that song is just horrible. So annoying. I don’t usually look up during commercials, so it took me a long time to even understand what was being said. “Day five zero?” Probably not, but that was the strongest contender early on.

Anyway, I’ve come to learn that I’m not the only person who find these commercials ridiculous. Consumerist posted a pretty hilarious mashup of these commercials with the horror movie The Ring. Enjoy.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5fTfv7SCi0]