Damn, Manohla

I had no intention of seeing the new movie Ameila anyway, but Manohla Dargis’s brutal review of it is 1) the funniest thing I’ve read lately and 2) incentive enough not to pay to see that.

There’s no substitute for good film-making

I saw The Surrogates yesterday, and I really wanted to like it. The premise is interesting: what would happen if everybody in the world could use an idealized representation of him or herself to interact with others? Also, the awesome Rosamund Pike (who will forever be for me Jane Bennett) somehow agreed to be in it, which I thought spoke highly of the film. I forgot, though, that even serious actors need to eat.

Anyway, It seemed like this could be a good movie. The rating at Rotten Tomatoes was 37%, but I don’t ALWAYS agree with the reviewers there. Elizabeth Banks and her husband, Max Handelman, who, based on nothing but their twitter feeds, seem like cool people, produced this movie, so I hoped it would be awesome.

It was not. Seriously. If I had a surrogate, I would have used it to see this movie, so that when I started to bang my head on the wall immediately upon exiting the theater, I would have suffered no lasting effects. The more you think about this movie, the less it makes sense. The intro laughingly suggests that such technology would cure communicable diseases and racism immediately. Riiiight. So because you don’t know whether the black surrogate you’re talking to is actually a black person, you suddenly begin to love black people, because they secretly might be white? Doubtful. How can EVERYBODY afford a surrogate? What happens to the poor people who can’t? If surrogates need to charge, what are the operators doing in that time. Does nobody go out at all? What happened to all the gyms? How can people have medication, if they don’t go out? The surrogates can’t be checked for conditions, so what gives? Are doctors now making house calls? And the big one – SPOILER – Why does one measly control station somewhere in the US have access to the surrogate network for the entire world? WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA????

A relevant review from Rotten Tomatoes:

The script is by the team that gave us “Catwoman” and the last two “Terminator” movies, which tells you all you need to know. The direction is by Jonathan Mostow, who did a couple of good genre movies early on, and then went off the rails with “Terminator 3.”

“Surrogates” continues the slide. — Stephen Whitty, Newark Star Ledger (full review)

Also, when I checked this morning, the movie was down to 35% fresh. Exactly.

Julie & Julia

I saw this movie over the weekend and really enjoyed it. I think that Amy Adams is awesome, but the real star of this movie is Meryl Streep, who is delightful as Julia Child. And Stanley Tucci! This is probably the first time I saw him in a role where he did not give me the heeby-jeebies. Warning: watching this movie will probably leave you very hungry.

Relevant review:

A consummate entertainment that echoes the rhythms and attitudes of classic Hollywood, it’s a satisfying throwback to those old-fashioned movie fantasies where impossible dreams do come true. – Kenneth Turan, Los Angeles Times

That was unexpected

Thursday was a friend’s birthday, and so last night I treated him to dinner and a movie. I told him that he could pick whatever movie he wanted to see, and I wouldn’t make any sort of jokes about it or be a bad sport at all, but despite having been given carte blanche, his first choice, 500 Days of Summer, was something that I would really have enjoyed seeing. Unfortunately, it isn’t playing anywhere in NJ, so he had to pick another movie. He said he wanted to see I Love You Beth Cooper, but that he couldn’t do that to me. Since I still don’t really have any idea what that is, I was sort of like, “Whatever, thanks,” but it really can’t be worse than some of the other movies he’s gotten me to see, such as Hot Rod. Two years later, and I still shudder when I think of that horrible excuse for a film.

He decided that he wanted to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I’ve never read the books, but I have seen the whole or parts of the previous movies in this series, and have have never really minded the experience. I wasn’t expecting much, but I quite enjoyed the movie. I haven’t seen the previous movies recently, but this was much, much better. The was believable teen-romance angst, and a level of violence that I had not anticipated at all. The only thing that kept bugging me was how easily Harry & Co. gave up searching for the identity of the Half-Blood Prince or the meaning of his name. I think that I am eventually going to read the books, so I’ll check to see if this part of the story plays out the same way in the novels. To revive an old tradition of mine, here’s an excerpt from a couple of reviews that most closely mirror my thoughts on this film.

The strangest thing about the new Harry Potter movie is not that it’s unusually good, which it is, but that it unequivocally illustrates just how poorly we’ve been served by the previous five instalments in the franchise. — Kevin Maher, The Times Online

Harry Potter is getting darker, angrier, distinctly more wicked. It has an edge. Scary Potter?  — Gary Wolcott, Tri-City Herald

I Love You, Man

Remember those beer commercials? Yeah, neither do I. But I did got see the Paul Rudd and Jason Segal movie this weekend, and definitely enjoyed it. My love for these actors is only slightly more fervent than my desire not to witness anything really embarrassing ever, but that edge was all it took to make me want to see this movie. I’m not sorry that I went; when I wasn’t covering my eyes with my scarf so that yet another deeply shameful moment went unseen by me, I was laughing pretty damn hard. I really will watch Paul Rudd in anything (this is true: I watched all of I Could Never Be Your Woman a few weeks ago).

As is my habit, here is an excerpt from a review that kind of matched up with my experience in watching this film.

Is the premise of “I Love You, Man” thinner than the paper Maxim is printed on? No doubt. (It’s never clear why, if Peter is close enough to his brother to ask him to set him up on a series of “man dates,” he can’t just ask his brother to be his best man.) Does the movie feature a by-now yawn-inducing quota of jokes involving masturbation, projectile vomiting and flatulence? Positutely. Does Paul Rudd make the whole thing worth it? Totes magotes. — Ann Hornady, Washington Post

I would like to pretend that I don’t understand why a movie like this placed a distant second to that thing that Nicolas Cage crapped all over the box office this weekend, but I do: people are morons. Speaking of Nicolas Cage, I will now share with you the best thing that you have ever seen. Behold:

Things I didn’t need a psychic to figure out

I’m not surprised that Nicolas Cage’s new movie, Knowing, scored a fresh rating of 19% on Rotten Tomatoes. No, I’m shocked that such a high percentage of people were able to come out of that movie believing that it wasn’t a waste of effort, money, and minutes of their lives. No Nicolas Cage movie in years has been worth watching (yes, this includes the first National Treasure), and this seems like more of the same hokey crap. Usually I go see a movie and then post a pertinent snippet of a review, but this time I’m going to skip the trip to the theater and go straight to the bashing.

Enjoy.

As Knowing gets increasingly preposterous, and Cage’s stony deadpan acting seems even sillier in context, a kind of slack-jawed joy may overtake you. How on earth did this movie get made? How did anyone involved think they had a story worth telling? And, as always, what is Nicolas Cage thinking? — Leanne Cari, Cinema Blend

What he said

I went to see Push last night, and it was just as terrible as the previews made it seem. You may wonder why, going in to this film suspecting that it stunk to high heaven, I would even bother. The short answer is friendship, and the long answer is, “Because I absolutely refused to see He’s Just Not That into You or Paul Blart: Mall Cop.” My friend R has truly horrific tastes in movies, and Push is where I drew the line. Please remind me next time to draw it a little lower.

Here’s what one review of this film said:
“I thought Hayden Christensen in last year’s Jumper would be as bland a mutant as the screen would ever give us, but that was before I saw Chris Evans in Push.”

Oh yeah

Unfortunately, The Uninvited was even dumber than its Rotten Tomatoes rating would have had me think. The “twist” was pretty obvious after a certain point, but I actually really really enjoyed the movie, due in large part to the ghetto-fabulous crowd at the movie theatre. They shrieked at the screen, had loud, awful conversations with each other, and screamed with such abandon that I couldn’t help but find the whole thing amusing. Elizabeth Banks was kind of a joy to watch, because she seemed to be the only actor who realized how terrible the movie was and just went with it, injecting unnecessary creepiness into her role.

Ouch

Here’s a blurb from a review of Renee Zellwegger’s new movie, New in Town:

“There have been a lot of bad romantic comedies that have come along in recent months but this one really takes the cake–it is so condescending, so stupid and so utterly devoid of laughs, charm or recognizable entertainment value that I kept waiting for Kate Hudson to show up at some point to relieve Renee Zellweger of her duties and take over the lead role.” Peter Sobczynski of efilmcritic.com

I sort of imagine Bradley Whitford saying that, and then it’s even funnier.

I had no intention of seeing this, so I can revel in the halfheartedly wretched reviews and 12% fresh rating that it has garnered over on Rotten Tomatoes. I’m going to see the new Elizabeth Banks movie, The Uninvited tonight. That movie got a 41% fresh rating, which is kind of worrisome, but I haven’t read the reviews, so we’ll see tonight whether I agree!

Oh, to have a Johnny!

I’m off of work today, and I’ve spent a large part of it working on the baby blanket I’m knitting. I like to have something on the TV when I’m knitting, so that I don’t get completely bored during the repetitive parts of the pattern. So I was flipping channels and came across Dirty Dancing. Dirty Dancing!!! I love this movie so much, it doesn’t even make sense. It’s one of those movies, like The Cutting Edge and The Princess Bride, that I will watch whenever I come across it, no matter how far in the movie is. Patrick Swayze was amazing in this movie. I mean, I have to give Jennifer Grey her due, too, because her baby is so moving, but this was all about Swayze. He’s tender, hot, tough, and pretty much the reason that good girls go after the bad guys. We’re looking for Johnny Castle.

This movie is so amazing. It seems like a bit of fluff, but if you stop to think about it, Dirty Dancing tackles issues such as class and gender issues, generational changes, AND has a kickass soundtrack. I actually stopped knitting a bunch of times to sigh, smile, squee, and then get up and dance my butt off. SO GOOD. Here’s what I’ve been working on today: