Category: Politics

Oh please, oh please, oh please…

My buddy, Sarah Palin, has decided to step down from her post as governor of Alaska. Initially, people thought that this might be to give her time to get her act together, so that she could run for president in 2012. And, seriously: how sweet would that be? With Palin as the Republican nominee, Obama could introduce Hookers and Blow Tuesdays in the Oval Office and still beat her handily.

The timing of this announcement can only be called curious; much like Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey’s announcement of their divorce immediately prior to Thanksgiving, Ms. Palin’s July 3 press conference seems like nothing so much as an attempt to dodge as much of the media as possible during this holiday break. The Mudflats, a web site from Alaska that I visited a few times during the presidential election, linked to a transcript of Ms. Palin’s speech and provided some speculation as to why she would step down as governor (rhymes with “skimbezzlement”).

I wonder, too, if this has anything to do with the tell-all book about Ms. Palin that is being written by Steve Schmidt, her former campaign strategist (and the guy who picked her to run with John McCain; do we really trust his judgment anymore??); Gawker had a juicy tidbit from it the other day, and if the rest of it is as forehead-slappingly stupid as this bit, no wonder the woman wants out before publication. Gawker also speculates as to why the Alaska governor decided to resign her post.

Doing a quick look around the tubes and twitter, it seems that trouble with the IRS is the most prevalent theory. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Well shoot

I’m home sick, and as is my wont when I have free time and the weather’s crappy, I’ve been roaming around the Internet. Since I called out of work, I don’t want to be posting on Facebook or Twitter, even though, realistically, sneezing and coughing shouldn’t mean that I can’t type, right? But better not to do anything that could be misinterpreted later. So here’s the article that I would have posted on Facebook if I was posting there today.

Here’s a Gawker article about how very screwed John Edwards is. Like a lot of people, I really thought that he might have had a chance to do something great for this country, and was really disappointed at how badly he messed things up. What is it with these politicians who cannot keep it in their freaking pants long enough to make good on the myriad promises that they’ve made to us? Why do they believe that they won’t get caught? Didn’t anybody learn anything from Gary Hart?

Now, though, instead of just losing all credibility with pretty much everybody and seeing his political career die a really ugly public death, he also has to be concerned that he’s being accused of fraud for payouts made to Rielle Hunter, the woman with whom he had the affair. What a dummy. Hunter received over $100,000 from the Edwards campaign for videos that look like what my 13 yo nephew could do with a camera and iMovie. Once again, The National Enquirer was there with the story before any of the big boys deigned
to report it.

What is wrong with people?

Ann Coulter likes to say that liberals have no sense of humor and can’t take a joke, but I love how she is so thick that she didn’t realize that this Car and Driver article about President Obama ordering Chevy and Dodge to stop supplying vehicles for NASCAR was a joke? Is this more ammunition for the theory that Ann Coulter is secretly a liberal who is mocking conservatives?

In other WTF news, what was going on in the president’s head when he decided that giving the Queen of England an iPod that contained, amongst other things, his own speeches and photos of himself. Arrogant much?

Whatever, Mo

I wish that Maureen Dowd was a dude, so that I could kick her in the junk. She’s always saying stupid things, and nothing makes her happy. First she tried throughout the campaign to imply that President Obama was weak and unmanly, and now that he has the most important job on the planet, she’s calling him elitist and arrogant. If he keeps his promises to Democrats, she says that he’s ignoring Republicans. If he reaches out to Republicans, she accuses him of ignoring those who put him in power. What does she want from him? Does she understand that life does not exist only at the ends of a spectrum?

I find Maureen Dowd obnoxious, and I do not for one minute believe that that is her actual hair color.

A side of WTF with my OMG

Okay, Obama. Sanjay Gupta for Surgeon General? Seriously? This is troublesome, unless of course you would like to consider Press Secretary Jon Stewart, and then all will be forgiven (until the next boneheaded cabinet appointment). I know that Dr. Gupta really is a surgeon, but do we really need to resort to selecting our Cabinet members from basic cable? Were there no other authoritative, intelligent, reasonable surgeons in the whole country? This is not going to help matters with those who find Obama’s worldview to be drastically different than their own.

In good news, Al Franken is now the governor of Minnesota. I know! Even when I was rooting for him, I didn’t think that he had any sort of chance. The results were close enough that Coleman is definitely going to pursue a legal challenge, but for now, we have a former Saturday Night Live actor as a state’s governor. Of course, Minnesota famously elected Jesse Ventura, so it’s not like Franken is even the most interesting television performer elected in the Gopher State.

If you’re wondering why I’m more okay with Franken being senator than Sanjay Gupta Surgeon General, here’s a short list:

  • Shut up.

Mistakes were made

I know that I put a facetious, Nixon-inspired title on this post, but I’m actually encouraged by the fact that President Bush can express regrets for negative things that happened during his tenure. He didn’t want to speculate on whether he would still have gone into Iraq if it had been known that the WMD rumors were untrue, but I actually respect that. I feel that regrets and second-guessing really never help at all, and can actually obscure the path that should be taken in the present. Anyway, here’s the article.

Somebody’s maturing, but I can’t say who

A year and some change ago, when she was still heard from all the time, I might have expressed a conservative amount of glee at the fact that Ann Coulter has broken her jaw. Mean, I know, but I’ve never pretended to be that nice. But the thing is, Ann has either mellowed, or people have stopped reporting on her nastiness, or maybe I’m just growing up, but this news makes me feel bad for her. A broken jaw seems like a horrific injury, and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody.

Also, after hearing all the untrained, unfocused vitriolic craziness that was passed off as cogent political commentary during the election cycle, I actually missed Ann a bit. She can be horribly mean and play to people’s worst fears, but she does it with a kind of style. I think that people know by now that Ann Coulter loves being reported on in the media she pretends to abhor, and therefore tend to take even the nastiest things she says with a grain of salt because of it. Plus, she has been known to talk a bit of smack about Republicans too, while a lot of the new breed seem to find Republicans to be above the type of scrutiny they direct toward Democrats. Unlike other conservative and Republican commentators, Coulter never seems like a psycho ranter; lots of people, myself included, often doubt that she means a lot of the horrible things that she says. People have even questioned whether “Ann Coulter” isn’t the best bit of performance art since Andy Kaufman, as Ann-the-person seems infinitely more likable and sensible than Ann-the-commentator. Even to people who should know better, Ann Coulter often comes off as too reasonable to be as deluded as her words would have you think. Did anybody ever believe that about Sarah Palin? Not that I’ve heard. In fact, I feel it’s much more likely that Governor Palin has deep reserves of crazy that she hasn’t even drilled into yet.

So: Godspeed, Ann. I wish you the most painless and quick recovery possible, and look forward to the day when the sight of you opening your mouth once again annoys me.

Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?

Remember Stephen Lewis, the Murfreesboro Free Press columnist who thought it would be hilarious to rewrite the theme song to The Jeffersons with the Obamas in mind? Well, as the person who commented on my post mentioned, in addition to reworking songs and ridiculing the accents of naturalized Americans in his free time, Mr. Lewis spends his days as a principal of an elementary school. Oh goody, because he is exactly who I want overseeing the next generation! (Overseeing! See what I did there?)

It seems that, in addition to the apology published by the editor of the Free Press, Mr. Lewis emailed his own tepid apology to the parents of those children who attend his school.

Although my hobby as a columnist is not connected directly to my position as principal I should have known better than to attempt to find humor in a subject so sensitive to so many. With all of that being said, I truly apologize to those of you who were offended by my comments.

What an apology, huh? I’m guessing that the school board or whoever actually hired him told him to write that. It certainly doesn’t sound heartfelt. To me, it sounds a lot like, “I’m sorry you overly sensitive whiners can’t take a joke.” I still really cannot believe that anybody would be dumb enough to write that column, but especially somebody who works with diverse populations every day and knows about the standards to which educators are held. How could this have seemed like a good idea? It would have been a terrible thing just to forward to a few friends, so how much more boneheaded was it to submit it for publication in a newspaper? You have to wonder about some people.

For those people who were directed to this post because of its title, George said that in an episode of Seinfeld, a show I generally don’t care about at all, but which I find selectively quotable.

Lighten up, Francis.

My mom is understandably super happy about Obama’s win. It really shows her how far we as a nation have come. My mother grew up in segregated South Carolina. Only her youngest brother (last of my grandparents’ 10 surviving children), ever went to school with white children, and then I think only in the last few years of high school. So my mom doesn’t hate anybody, but still has comfort issues around white people. She doesn’t really hang out with any, and I think that, to her, my having so many white friends is a source of confusion, amusement, and perhaps a little bit of pride (she’s happy that I don’t have the same bad associations that she does).

So anyway, I received all of these really uplifting, corny, cheesy, vaguely messianic emails from her about Barack Obama going into the election, and the volume, corniness, cheesiness, and messianic undertones have all increased since his win. Just like everybody else on the Internet, I have seen Patrick Moberg‘s illustration pretty much everywhere since November 4.

And now you've seen it, too!

And now you've seen it, too!

But by now we all know that too much saccharine sentiment in our diets can lead to an irony deficiency, so here are two covers that I prefer to a lot of things my mom has sent me (predictably, she hated them). They’re from the Chicago Reader. The Obama cover is the one they went with (for obvious reasons), but they had the McCain cover all ready just in case.

dontscrewthisup

pleasedontdie

Stupid Internet, ruining everything

Stephen Lewis, a humor columnist at the Murfreesboro Post of Tennessee, wrote an opinion column yesterday that included a song about the Obamas move to Washington. As you may have guessed by its inclusion in this post, this song was not in the best of taste. Mr. Lewis chose to set his “Ode to President Obama” to the tune of “Movin’ On Up,” the theme song to 1970’s-era television show, The Jefferson. Wow, Stephen. That’s Klassy!

Here’s the first verse:
“Well we’re movin’ on up,
To Washington, D.C.
To a deee-luxe pimp pad,
Painted whiiiite.
Yeah we’re movin’ on up,
To the White House.
I’ll be jetting with P. Diddy cross the sky.

Let’s examine the stereotypes found just in those lines (nevermind the rest of the song): We’ve got the missing “g” in “movin,'” because when you’re a black, Harvard-educated lawyer planning at least a 4 year squat in the White House, the last thing you’re thinking about is saying your words properly. Then we’ve got “pimp pad” (I’ll excuse “deee-luxe,” as it is in the original song). Because every black man aspires to being a peddler of women. And of course, what’s the point of being famous and black if you can’t hang out with P. Diddy? Nothing says you’ve reached the zenith of the American political establishment more than hanging out with Sean Combs.

Because newspaper articles on the Internet has the opportunity to reach readers around the world, Mr. Lewis’ stupidity did not stay limited to the Volunteer State. By Monday morning, this article, which initially appeared in the Sunday edition of the Post, was making the rounds on the Internet, offending latte-drinking, arugula-eating leftists and beer-swilling, gun-toting rightists alike. By Monday afternoon, the editor of the Murfeesboro Post, Michael L. Pirtle, had issued something resembling an apology. Here’s a link to Mr. Lewis’s column, with the editor’s note of the usual passive-aggressive sort apologizing “for any offense generated” by this column.

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