Kill it with fire (or a stake, or decapitation)…

Just when I think that the actions of the TwiMoms, the most frightening segment of Twilight fandom (although there’s pretty stiff competition for that title) have gone too far, one of them has to go ahead and do something even creepier. This time: Etsy seller Twimom (yes, she got the actual name; does that make her their leader??) presents Cullen-ize Me. For only $10, you can see what you’d look like if you were all undead and sparkly. Jesus.

Who would want this?

I asked Satanski what he wanted me to bring him back from the zoo, but he said he didn’t know. I suspect that he just wanted to get off the phone; I think I called during SuperWhy. Anyway, I tried a different tack, and asked him which animal he liked the best. Naturally, because he’s angry and scary, he said tigers. With that in mind, I searched the zoo’s gift shop until I found a really adorable pair of tiger slippers. The only problem was that they were not labeled with a size, so I had to guess about whether they’d fit him. (Question I was asked, “How do you know what size shoe he wears?” I was temped, but somehow resisted saying “Voodoo,” although the truth “I’ve bought his last few pairs of sneakers” wasn’t as interesting.)

Sadly enough, although I’d bought the only small-kid size they had, the slippers were still too small for my kiddo. I also got him a wallet when we went to SeaWorld, but I still really like the idea of tiger slippers, so I went online looking for them. I’ve just started, so I’m not exactly  discouraged, but I haven’t been able to find any Satanski-sized pairs yet. What I did find was this scary freakshow of a pair.

I have no idea why any adult would buy those slippers, or any child would want them (but here’s the link for all you nutjobs out there). I cannot imagine sticking my feet in those things without worrying that I would pull back stumps.