Ya think??

“We tend to believe Zhang’s death was caused primarily by unknown health problems. But there’s still a possibility that the freezing contributed to his death.“

Wow. To call this sentence an understatement would be doing a disservice to all the mere understatements people have uttered throughout recorded history. I mean, it doesn’t even assume as much responsibility as that classic, passive-voiced cop-out, “Mistakes were made.”

Also, happy Monday!

I may never eat again

Below you will find an email that I received from UrbanDaddy. I just joined this site, and I’m pretty sure that I will be unsubscribing rather soon, if this is their idea of something that MUST be shared. I left the contact info at the end, though, in case what makes me vomit in my mouth actually makes you salivate. I simply do not understand why you’d want sausage that tasted like a bacon cheeseburger, instead of just having a bacon cheeseburger.

Served Up
	Introducing the Bacon Cheeseburger Sausage
	Think back to your early days. It seemed perfectly reasonable, even brilliant, to combine all the foods you loved into one glorious superfood. Sure, there were naysayers who thought your chicken nugget pizza terrine was obscene. But you stuck to your guns. And we have a reward for you. Introducing the Bacon Cheeseburger Sausage, a hybrid foodstuff born into this world by superstar butchers Tom Mylan and Brent Young, available now at the Meat Hook, in Williamsburg. If you’re not familiar with these guys, they’re all about “disrespecting” high quality meats. They recommend serving the sausage on a bun, with mustard, at home, as an antidote to fast food cravings. Pair it with cheap beer (more on this later) and let the soul satisfying goodness wash over you. The varied, powerful, sausage ingredient list reads like the roster of the 1927 Yankees (or the cast of The View)—beef shoulder, pork belly, onion, cheap beer (usually Busch or Budweiser), cheese (American, cheddar and bleu), crunchy bacon bits, salt and pepper. And if you’re looking to indulge your old superfood cravings, they take custom sausage orders (in mass quantities). Call ahead and they’ll turn your whims into a meal: Buffalo Chicken Wing Sausage. Taco Chorizo Sausage. Go ahead, say it out loud. The sausage future is wide open. Note: Bacon Cheeseburger Sausage, available now at The Meat Hook, 100 Frost St, Brooklyn, 718-349-5033

NIMBY-ism at its finest

Wow. Lawyer Andy Vickery hates homelessness so much, he’s suing a homeless shelter located in the church across the street from his office. His claim that he is suing because the shelter’s clients are disruptive, driving down property values, and are scaring off business would be easier to believe if he was only asking for the shelter to be shut down, or even for increased measures to control the homeless population who visit the shelter. The $250,000 that Vickery has requested makes him look ever so slightly like a greedy douchebag.

Meh

I suppose I should post something happy in honor of Thanksgiving, but whatever. This story is awful, which makes sense, because teenagers suck. Later today or tomorrow I’ll post some pictures that are so cute that you brain will explode.

More on TSA Mom and Balloon Boy

Just a quick followup to yesterday’s post about Balloon Boy and TSA Mom. Stories about Falcon Heene’s ordeal seeming faked grew louder and louder as the weekend progressed. Gawker posted a weird interview with Robert Thomas, a student who helped the boy’s father, Richard Heene, with his balloon stuff earlier this year. It’s not definitive proof of a hoax on the part of the Heenes (as it’s billed), but it shows how much of a messed up famewhore Richard Heene. As I said yesterday, that’s nothing that couldn’t have been determined by his two appearances on the reality show Wife Swap. Just an hour ago, Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden, who earlier in the weekend said that this was not being considered a hoax, reversed that, and announced the following possible charges against the Heene parents:

Conspiracy
Contributing to the delinquency of a minor (Class 4 felony)
False reporting to authorities (Class 3 Misdemeanor)
Attempting to influence a public servant (Class 4 Felony)

Nic, the woman who wrote of being detained and having her child taken from her by the TSA, has posted a response to those who have questioned her story in light of the release of CCTV footage by the TSA. The post is entitled “My Apologies,” although it seems more defensive than apologetic. She maintains that the video does not show everything that happens, and that at some point, her son was separated from her by the TSA. She says that she doesn’t know why the video doesn’t show things that she stated happened, and I hate to speculate, but I have a theory, and it rhymes with frying….mmmm, frying. I am so hungry right now.

Attention whoredom as the natural progression of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy

Remember in the 80s and 90s, when the topic of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy made the rounds of all the talk shows once or twice a year? You’d have the mothers (it was always mothers) who were just sick over what they’d done to their children, and poor Timmy and Samantha, who were hurt and bewildered that mommy could have hurt them like that. Sally Jesse/Ricki/Oprah/Phil etc. listened and tsked, the audience booed, the moms begged for forgiveness and vowed that they’d changed, and at the end of the hour, all again was right with the world.

But now I feel that the 24-hour cable news cycle and the interwebs have exponentially increased the audience for attention whore parents and simultaneously upped the ante at what has to be done to get sympathy and attention. Now, thankfully, the parents aren’t actually injuring or sickening their children. The sympathy comes from having something awful happen to your children, with no messy poison or beatings required. So there’s that. When I think of Richard Heene (father of Falcon Heene, AKA Balloon Boy) and Nic (no relation, seriously!) from My Bottle’s Up, I wonder if we’re seeing the confluence of Generation Me, people’s desire for fame at any cost, a 24-hour news cycle where not enough things that are deemed interesting happen to justify the depth of coverage, and an Internet audience that is always willing to respond to every real or purported outrage with blog and Twitter posts (I resemble that remark).

I was at work when the Balloon Boy saga began, and read about it quite by accident during routine visits to several news sites. My coworker and I kept refreshing the story on the NY Times’s site; it was the site’s central story, and every twenty minutes or so, a bolded Update: designation would provide more detail. At that point, little was happening, and the updates mostly involved where the balloon was spotted, until the news came that the balloon had landed and was empty. The whole thing was so horrifying, and we were genuinely worried about Falcon Heene. I kept following the story when I got home, although I drew the line at actually watching any of the annoying tv talking heads discuss something they knew nothing about. I just kept refreshing my browser until I read the resolution. I laughed like a loon when I found out that the kid was safe at home the whole time. My reaction was composed of equal parts relief, amusement, and disbelief. Why wouldn’t they have checked the house thoroughly?? My amusement became even greater when it started to look for all the world like the whole thing was engineered by people who knew that the little boy had never even been on the balloon. The world had been duped, and willingly so. The breathless attention paid to the Heenes is rather sick, when you think about it. If the child really had been in the balloon, and something awful had happened to him, what good would have resulted from the insane amount of attention the family was receiving?

TSA Mom was only brought to my attention this morning. I read her account of what happened, and thought, “Wow, that sucks. What is wrong with the TSA?” I’d been at that very airport earlier that morning, and had worn a metal headband that set off the machine. I took it off, walked through again, collected my belongings, and went on to my gate with no problem. I did find it convenient that somebody with such a huge web audience and reputation would have something like that happen, but didn’t necessarily want to speculate on whether what she said was true. Bad things can happen to anybody, even those with a steady blog readership.

The Metafilter thread about this was filled with comments that harshly criticized the TSA, and others that expressed mild or not-so-mild doubt as to the veracity of Nic’s account. I could definitely see where they would find room to doubt her story, but I felt bad just dismissing it out of hand, and erred in my (obviously erroneous) belief that nobody would make up such an awful story. The TSA, sick of the internet trouncing it was receiving over its reported behavior, actually posted the CCTV feed of somebody who they identify as Nic and her son going through security. They are detained in the box for about 2 minutes, but at no point is she separated from her son.

The Heenes were on ABC’s wife swap, so that kind of shows that they’ll do anything to get on tv, but I feel so sorry for Falcon, who doesn’t seem to possess his parents’ desire for limelight. If they do end up getting that reality show, the first item of business will obviously be to recast the youngest child.

As for Nic, I still find it insane that anybody would make up anything like this. I guess she didn’t expect the TSA to take the step of posting the video of her going through security. Maybe she didn’t mean to garner all of this attention, and thought they’d never hear of her claims. Maybe she just thought she’d brazen it out. After all, right now she’s about to go on a vacation and therefore won’t be around the internet much for the next 10 days or so. How convenient!

These people sicken me, because every time something like this happens, I grow a little more cynical and distrustful of people.

Are you serious? You can’t be serious!

There once was an awful point in American history, when people who loved each other could be prevented from marrying one another because they were of different races. This went on until the U.S. Supreme Court decided in Loving v. Virginia that all race-based marriage laws were unconstitutional. But everything old is new again, right? We’ve got sports teams in throwback uniforms. Throwback sneakers. Pepsi Throwback. And now we’ve got throwback racist marriage policies.

I guess arguing over gay marriage got boring or something, so Tangipahoa Parish justice of the peace Keith Bardwell decided to do his part to prevent miscegenation by refusing to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple. I kind of feel like I know where old Keith falls on the gay marriage question, but is this just not a traditional enough kind of marriage for him? We’ve got one man and one woman. I thought that was the magic formula! I guess God just forgot to use the same crayons when he was coloring them in.

I find it interesting that Bardwell, who has held the elected position of Justice of the Peace since 1990, was a Democrat for his first three terms. Only in 2008 did he run as a Republican. Hmmm…what changed in 2008?

Say it ain’t so, Philly

I really like Philadelphia. Despite its obnoxious baseball team (who the Mets beat today in dramatic fashion [finally]), it has a lot of good things to recommend it. It’s walkable, pretty, and since the murder rate is so high (but now falling!), it’s nice that the cabs are plentiful and relatively cheap. Plus, I have good friends who live nearby, which clearly adds to the awesomeness that is Philly. At one point, I’d even considered moving there and getting a job at one of the city’s library branches. Which is why the news that the entire city/regional Free Library of Philadelphia system will close on October 2, unless the state legislature approves funding, is both so shocking and frightening.  I’ve heard of branches closing or hours being cut back, but I’ve never heard about such a large library system considering closing down altogether. This is both nuts and scary. In this time of increased economic hardship, libraries are playing a vital role in their communities.

Should this happen, I wish the best of luck to all who lose their jobs because of this, and the worst of it to the politicians responsible.

Please stop being so retarded, people

Who knew that a back to school speech could cause such an uproar? I think it’s pretty sad that people are keeping their children home from school and that some school districts are requiring parents to opt their children in to hear a speech by the President of the United States. I know! The President. Not some random dude in an office or anything. I understand that using the phrases “socialist agenda” and “left-leaning” to critique the President is generally another way to say “I’m a raging idiot and/or racist asshole,” but I still find this pretty disappointing. The worst part is that the text of the speech is up on the White House’s web site, so there’s no reason to speculate as to its content.

This, from the CNN article that I linked to above, is one of the scariest things I’ve ever read, “”I believe this is the greatest country on Earth, and I try to teach that to my children. … I don’t want them hearing that there’s a fundamental flaw with the country and the kids need to go forward to fix it.” I feel so sorry for this man’s children.

Doing it for the children

I find it highly cathartic to write an angry letter every now and then. This is one I emailed to the Georgia O’Keeffe Museum, which is trying to prevent the Georgia O’Keeffe Elementary School from going by the initials GOK, which might diminish or tarnish the artist’s legacy…somehow. Anyway, I like this letter so much that I’m going to print it out, put it in an envelope, sacrifice one of my pretty pretty Jackie Robinson stamps, and allow a mail carrier to deliver it.

************************************************

To those who make the decisions [I considered, and decided against, Dear Wankers]:

I just read this article about your museum, and to tell you the truth, it made me a little sick. You’re a well-respected art museum that apparently has all the grace and compassion of a school-yard bully. It has been said that there’s no such thing as bad press, but I’m pretty sure you know that this is simply not true. We live in the age of the Internet now, and I am always begrudgingly impressed when highly visible entities like the Georgia O’Keeffe Museum display such an appalling lack of awareness of how quickly information spreads via this medium.

I read just a few minutes ago on Metafilter (consistently listed as one of Time Magazine’s Top 25 and PC Magazine’s Top 100 Classic web sites) that your museum is trying to get the Georgia O’Keeffe Elementary School of Albuquerque, NM not to go by its initials, as if having people pronounce “gawk” for GOK would somehow diminish this amazing artist’s legacy. There’s quite a lively discussion going on over at Metafilter about the way that your museum is doing a fine job on its own of tarnishing the legacy of Georgia O’Keeffe. There’s a lot of sympathy in that thread, but none of it lies with you. And I don’t think that Metafilter is somehow unique in its interpretation of this situation. I sincerely doubt that anybody is going to say, “Well, I used to respect Georgia O’Keeffe, but ever since that one elementary school in Santa Fe started going by GOK, I realized how vastly overrated she was as an artist and have since allowed my membership to the Georgia O’Keeffe Museum to lapse.”

More than anything, I wonder what you could be thinking by even allowing your ridiculousness to continue through several rounds of emails, letters, and now the serious threat of legal action. I’m curious to know whether you are somehow unfamiliar with the plight of public schools in this nation in general, and Albuquerque in particular. It’s not as though schools are raking in the dough hand over fist, so why would you think it prudent to threaten the school over its use of Ms. O’Keeffe’s initials? You do realize that she was a former schoolteacher, right? I can’t imagine, if she were still living, that her sympathies would lie with you, either. And let’s not forget the very real fact that the school had this name before your museum even owned the rights to Ms. O’Keeffe’s trademark.

In the olden days (say, the late 1980s), awareness of this story might not have reached very far. Locals might have tsked, and if it was a particularly slow news day, you might have made it onto one of the nightly news programs. Dan Rather would have used some indecipherable phrase to illustrate how dastardly he found your behavior (because “like stealing candy from a baby”) would have been to easy, and Peter Jennings would have said something amazingly erudite that would have made you look like graceless money-grubbers.

But now we’ve got blogs, 24-hour news cycles (it’s always a slow news day somewhere), incessant social networking, and online communities with near-global reach. And just like I’m posting this on my web site, Facebook page, and twitter feed, somebody I know is going to see this and pass it along, too. I’ve got friends all over the world, and being that I am a librarian, several of them work in museums, archives, and libraries. We’re used to feeling like the good guys, and this will be passed along just as a sheer oddity. I mean, shouldn’t an entity dedicated to the preservation of an artist’s works, spirit, and legacy be on the side of education? Who are you saving this legacy for, if not the people who will grow up in a world where knowledge of Georgia O’Keeffe recedes further and further into the past? And what about the students affected by your misguided attempt to prevent the disrespect of Ms. O’Keeffe’s legacy? Let me tell you: you’re doing a heckuva job at disrespecting your raison d’etre all by yourselves. At this point, all that the kids at that school are going to remember is that they were named after a woman whose memory was left in the hands of seriously misguided, greedy people.

I am utterly disgusted by your behavior.

************************************************

So there.