Like something out of a movie, but worse

Not one of the bats in question, but still creepy

Rabid vampire bats bite hundreds, spread rabies, kill several children!!! It’s all the more horrific for being true.

Do not, under any circumstances, marinate your cat in your trunk

That’s why God invented back porches. Just kidding. Planning to kill and cook your cat for being “possessive, greedy and wasteful” (aka, a cat) seems more than a little bit insane. Just take it back to the ASPCA, dude. Also, marinating an animal before removing its fur? Just plain nasty. Jeez.

Dr. Kiko to the rescue

Kiko is actually a dog, and not a doctor at all, but when he noticed that his owner’s big toe was infected, he did what any reasonable pet would: waited for the man to pass out in a drunken stupor, and then ate the infected toe. That part’s gross. Still, his actions were probably motivated by his greater sense of smell and intelligence (who walks around for a month with an infected toe???), and he saved the dude’s life, which is awesome. Still…

This story has been turning my stomach since I first read about it, but I thought that I shouldn’t have to suffer alone. You’re welcome.

I didn’t realize that the plague, AKA black death, was still around (in this country? I’m pretty sure I knew it still existed in general). A lot of people, myself included, use the phrase “I had the plague,” to express a particularly unpleasant illness, but I’ve personally never meant that I had the actual plague. I think that everybody knows this, but I’ll apologize now if I’ve just rocked your world.

Scarily enough, rodents can carry and transmit the plague, a fact that I’m going to remember everytime I see those cute chipmunks that burrow near my house, despite the fact that most US plague cases are reported in the Western states. Can’t wait to avoid all rodents when I get to California in October!

Gross gross gross gross gross.

I may never eat again

Below you will find an email that I received from UrbanDaddy. I just joined this site, and I’m pretty sure that I will be unsubscribing rather soon, if this is their idea of something that MUST be shared. I left the contact info at the end, though, in case what makes me vomit in my mouth actually makes you salivate. I simply do not understand why you’d want sausage that tasted like a bacon cheeseburger, instead of just having a bacon cheeseburger.

Served Up
	Introducing the Bacon Cheeseburger Sausage
	Think back to your early days. It seemed perfectly reasonable, even brilliant, to combine all the foods you loved into one glorious superfood. Sure, there were naysayers who thought your chicken nugget pizza terrine was obscene. But you stuck to your guns. And we have a reward for you. Introducing the Bacon Cheeseburger Sausage, a hybrid foodstuff born into this world by superstar butchers Tom Mylan and Brent Young, available now at the Meat Hook, in Williamsburg. If you’re not familiar with these guys, they’re all about “disrespecting” high quality meats. They recommend serving the sausage on a bun, with mustard, at home, as an antidote to fast food cravings. Pair it with cheap beer (more on this later) and let the soul satisfying goodness wash over you. The varied, powerful, sausage ingredient list reads like the roster of the 1927 Yankees (or the cast of The View)—beef shoulder, pork belly, onion, cheap beer (usually Busch or Budweiser), cheese (American, cheddar and bleu), crunchy bacon bits, salt and pepper. And if you’re looking to indulge your old superfood cravings, they take custom sausage orders (in mass quantities). Call ahead and they’ll turn your whims into a meal: Buffalo Chicken Wing Sausage. Taco Chorizo Sausage. Go ahead, say it out loud. The sausage future is wide open. Note: Bacon Cheeseburger Sausage, available now at The Meat Hook, 100 Frost St, Brooklyn, 718-349-5033