Oh please, oh please, oh please…

My buddy, Sarah Palin, has decided to step down from her post as governor of Alaska. Initially, people thought that this might be to give her time to get her act together, so that she could run for president in 2012. And, seriously: how sweet would that be? With Palin as the Republican nominee, Obama could introduce Hookers and Blow Tuesdays in the Oval Office and still beat her handily.

The timing of this announcement can only be called curious; much like Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey’s announcement of their divorce immediately prior to Thanksgiving, Ms. Palin’s July 3 press conference seems like nothing so much as an attempt to dodge as much of the media as possible during this holiday break. The Mudflats, a web site from Alaska that I visited a few times during the presidential election, linked to a transcript of Ms. Palin’s speech and provided some speculation as to why she would step down as governor (rhymes with “skimbezzlement”).

I wonder, too, if this has anything to do with the tell-all book about Ms. Palin that is being written by Steve Schmidt, her former campaign strategist (and the guy who picked her to run with John McCain; do we really trust his judgment anymore??); Gawker had a juicy tidbit from it the other day, and if the rest of it is as forehead-slappingly stupid as this bit, no wonder the woman wants out before publication. Gawker also speculates as to why the Alaska governor decided to resign her post.

Doing a quick look around the tubes and twitter, it seems that trouble with the IRS is the most prevalent theory. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Well shoot

I’m home sick, and as is my wont when I have free time and the weather’s crappy, I’ve been roaming around the Internet. Since I called out of work, I don’t want to be posting on Facebook or Twitter, even though, realistically, sneezing and coughing shouldn’t mean that I can’t type, right? But better not to do anything that could be misinterpreted later. So here’s the article that I would have posted on Facebook if I was posting there today.

Here’s a Gawker article about how very screwed John Edwards is. Like a lot of people, I really thought that he might have had a chance to do something great for this country, and was really disappointed at how badly he messed things up. What is it with these politicians who cannot keep it in their freaking pants long enough to make good on the myriad promises that they’ve made to us? Why do they believe that they won’t get caught? Didn’t anybody learn anything from Gary Hart?

Now, though, instead of just losing all credibility with pretty much everybody and seeing his political career die a really ugly public death, he also has to be concerned that he’s being accused of fraud for payouts made to Rielle Hunter, the woman with whom he had the affair. What a dummy. Hunter received over $100,000 from the Edwards campaign for videos that look like what my 13 yo nephew could do with a camera and iMovie. Once again, The National Enquirer was there with the story before any of the big boys deigned
to report it.

Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?

Remember Stephen Lewis, the Murfreesboro Free Press columnist who thought it would be hilarious to rewrite the theme song to The Jeffersons with the Obamas in mind? Well, as the person who commented on my post mentioned, in addition to reworking songs and ridiculing the accents of naturalized Americans in his free time, Mr. Lewis spends his days as a principal of an elementary school. Oh goody, because he is exactly who I want overseeing the next generation! (Overseeing! See what I did there?)

It seems that, in addition to the apology published by the editor of the Free Press, Mr. Lewis emailed his own tepid apology to the parents of those children who attend his school.

Although my hobby as a columnist is not connected directly to my position as principal I should have known better than to attempt to find humor in a subject so sensitive to so many. With all of that being said, I truly apologize to those of you who were offended by my comments.

What an apology, huh? I’m guessing that the school board or whoever actually hired him told him to write that. It certainly doesn’t sound heartfelt. To me, it sounds a lot like, “I’m sorry you overly sensitive whiners can’t take a joke.” I still really cannot believe that anybody would be dumb enough to write that column, but especially somebody who works with diverse populations every day and knows about the standards to which educators are held. How could this have seemed like a good idea? It would have been a terrible thing just to forward to a few friends, so how much more boneheaded was it to submit it for publication in a newspaper? You have to wonder about some people.

For those people who were directed to this post because of its title, George said that in an episode of Seinfeld, a show I generally don’t care about at all, but which I find selectively quotable.

Lighten up, Francis.

My mom is understandably super happy about Obama’s win. It really shows her how far we as a nation have come. My mother grew up in segregated South Carolina. Only her youngest brother (last of my grandparents’ 10 surviving children), ever went to school with white children, and then I think only in the last few years of high school. So my mom doesn’t hate anybody, but still has comfort issues around white people. She doesn’t really hang out with any, and I think that, to her, my having so many white friends is a source of confusion, amusement, and perhaps a little bit of pride (she’s happy that I don’t have the same bad associations that she does).

So anyway, I received all of these really uplifting, corny, cheesy, vaguely messianic emails from her about Barack Obama going into the election, and the volume, corniness, cheesiness, and messianic undertones have all increased since his win. Just like everybody else on the Internet, I have seen Patrick Moberg‘s illustration pretty much everywhere since November 4.

And now you've seen it, too!

But by now we all know that too much saccharine sentiment in our diets can lead to an irony deficiency, so here are two covers that I prefer to a lot of things my mom has sent me (predictably, she hated them). They’re from the Chicago Reader. The Obama cover is the one they went with (for obvious reasons), but they had the McCain cover all ready just in case.

Stupid Internet, ruining everything

Stephen Lewis, a humor columnist at the Murfreesboro Post of Tennessee, wrote an opinion column yesterday that included a song about the Obamas move to Washington. As you may have guessed by its inclusion in this post, this song was not in the best of taste. Mr. Lewis chose to set his “Ode to President Obama” to the tune of “Movin’ On Up,” the theme song to 1970’s-era television show, The Jefferson. Wow, Stephen. That’s Klassy!

Here’s the first verse:
“Well we’re movin’ on up,
To Washington, D.C.
To a deee-luxe pimp pad,
Painted whiiiite.
Yeah we’re movin’ on up,
To the White House.
I’ll be jetting with P. Diddy cross the sky.

Let’s examine the stereotypes found just in those lines (nevermind the rest of the song): We’ve got the missing “g” in “movin,'” because when you’re a black, Harvard-educated lawyer planning at least a 4 year squat in the White House, the last thing you’re thinking about is saying your words properly. Then we’ve got “pimp pad” (I’ll excuse “deee-luxe,” as it is in the original song). Because every black man aspires to being a peddler of women. And of course, what’s the point of being famous and black if you can’t hang out with P. Diddy? Nothing says you’ve reached the zenith of the American political establishment more than hanging out with Sean Combs.

Because newspaper articles on the Internet has the opportunity to reach readers around the world, Mr. Lewis’ stupidity did not stay limited to the Volunteer State. By Monday morning, this article, which initially appeared in the Sunday edition of the Post, was making the rounds on the Internet, offending latte-drinking, arugula-eating leftists and beer-swilling, gun-toting rightists alike. By Monday afternoon, the editor of the Murfeesboro Post, Michael L. Pirtle, had issued something resembling an apology. Here’s a link to Mr. Lewis’s column, with the editor’s note of the usual passive-aggressive sort apologizing “for any offense generated” by this column.

But does he have the big Mo?

So North Carolina has been called for Barack Obama, too, meaning that Missouri is the only remaining unclaimed state. The Associated Press, via the Boston Globe, announced this with a bit of a flourish.

For those of you who can’t be arsed to click the above link, the final paragraph in the article reads as follows:

So Obama has not just redrawn the map. He’s printed an entirely new one.

Pretty sentiment, if not particularly objective or news-like.

Senate news

We know what happened in the presidential election, but what happened in some of the other races I’ve been following?

First we’ll start with the good news:
Elizabeth Dole, hate- and fear-monger extraordinaire, was defeated by her opponent, Kay Hagan! I’m proud of North Carolina not only for ousting Dole, but also for going for Barack Obama (maybe)!

Then we’ll go to the meh news:
Frank Lautenberg, 84-year-old incumbent Democrat Senator, easily kept his seat in New Jersey. This means that he will be 90 years old at the next election. That’s super freaking old. He’s done a good job, so I hope he keeps it up, but I don’t understand how so many people who could complain about a 74-year-old presidential candidate could in good conscience elect a senator who is a decade older.

Then the “aw crap, Minnesota” news:
Norm Coleman defeated Al Franken by just over 700 votes. I try not to hate on those who vote for third party candidates, but seriously Minnesota, wtf? If even one thousand of those chuckleheads had voted for Franken, this would be a whole different day in Minnesota. There’s going to be a recount, so maybe there’s some hope, but I’m not holding my breath, since they say that a definitive winner may not be declared until December!

Michele Bachmann, who famously suggested that the media should reinstate McCarthy-era investigations into the patriotism of politicians, easily kept her seat. There is no justice. While I would have preferred it if she lost, and lost big, I would have hoped that any victory of hers was hard fought. I hate the idea of someone this bilious feeling as though she should keep behaving in this way and saying the kind of insane things she usually says.

What the world is saying

Here are some international reactions to Barack Obama’s election as the 44th United States president:

• Argentina (in Spanish)
• Australia
• Brazil (in Portuguese)
• Canada
• China
• Costa Rica (in Spanish)
• France (in French)
• Egypt (in Arabic)
• Germany (in German)
• India
• Indonesia
• Israel
• Italy
• Japan
• Jordan (in Arabic)
• Mexico (in Spanish)
• Nigeria
• Russia
• South Africa
• South Korea
• United Arab Emirates
• United Kingdom

Hell yeah!

I didn’t want to play Jinxy Jane yesterday, but I’m glad that I can now, without reservation, say that Barack Obama is the president-elect of the United States! I was asked at the party I attended last night, with all possible apologies and courtesy for the question, what Obama’s win meant to me, a black woman. And I have to say, I’m not sure whether I am approaching this from a place of racial pride. I have a lot of things going on right now. For the first time, the presidential candidate who I voted for won. I would have been happy if the new president-to-be could simply speak English, and instead we got somebody who is a captivating speaker, capable of raising people to almost religious levels of fervor and devotion (I think that sometimes it’s overdone, but it probably isn’t his fault that he is so charismatic). Plus, it’s exciting to know that the country will be run by a young guy, one who is certainly at a very different place in his life than I am, but who hasn’t been alive in eight different decades.

I find it moving to watch really committed Obama fans from all walks of life expressing such jubilation at his win. Walking back to Port Authority last night from Murray Hill, I saw so many people who were practically vibrating with happiness. On 5th Avenue, in front of the expensive stores, people spontaneously raised cries of “Obama” and “Wooooo!” People were so happy, and even the cops were smiling! I didn’t see one place where there was even a hint of trouble or unease. Everybody was too joyful to cause any sort of problem. I watched white people, young and old, cry tears of joy over the election of a black president. I looked at Obama and thought, “In a little over three decades, that could be my nephew.” I don’t believe that this proves that anybody in American can be anything, but I believe it moves us closer to that point than we have ever before been.

The one where everybody lies

I was talking last night to a good friend who lives in Virginia, when she brought up the election. I know that she’s usually pretty indifferent to politics and her husband are generally skews right, so I wouldn’t have introduced the subject at all. But once she asked me who I was voting for (Obama) and whether I vote in every election or just presidential (all of them, baby), I felt comfortable asking her the same. She said that she was as yet undecided, which was kind of monumental for her. Usually she just votes for whoever her husband supports, so the fact that she has not definitively decided to do so made me realize that she was actually kind of invested in this election. So I told her the specific reasons for my choice, and phrased it in such as way as to say why I was not voting for John McCain, rather than why I was voting for Obama. I think that enough people can enumerate all the rah rah explanations for their choice of Obama, and I didn’t want to appear too partisan. So I stuck with the policies of McCain that I don’t like, such as his support for continuing Guantanamo Bay, his tax plan, his reversal of his initial stance against torture, his health care plan (this is a big one, as she is in the health care field), and his pick of a running mate.

Surprisingly, my friend wasn’t too big on Palin, either. I somehow thought she might be into her, but thankfully this isn’t the case. I said that Palin seemed to be unable to separate her personal religious beliefs from other peoples’ rights, and that I did not want my life to be governed according to Palin’s understanding of Christianity. My friend, whose husband is religious but is herself actually atheist/agnostic, seemed to understand where I was coming from with this one, and furthermore brought up Troopergate. I don’t think that Palin did herself any favors with that one. We agreed that Palin does not seem to have the kind of temperament that one would want in a (vice)president, and that John McCain, with his frequent expressions of intense anger doesn’t either.

Then we finally got to the part of our conversation that, to me, illustrates why we are such good friends: we are in complete agreement that politicians are pretty much lacking in something (integrity, decency, honesty, some essential human thing), and that there’s probably something wrong with you if you want to be one. Probably. I do know a couple of people who have expressed an interest in entering local politics, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it gave me pause and made me reevaluate my opinions of them. You pretty much have to sell your soul to participate in American politics.

The thing that we all have to remember is that politicians will say anything. It’s better now that we have youtube and cell phone cameras and whatnot, because they can’t just go around saying whatever they want without fear of being held accountable, but still… As a politician, you learn that not only will you compromise, but you will do so in key situations and at some point go back on your word. You are a professional liar, hand-shaker, and meeting-attender. Why would anybody sign up for this? Because there’s something fundamentally wrong with them, that’s why. I know that we need politicians and, anyway, politics are a great way to funnel all the self-promoters into a job that 1) gives them the recognition they crave and 2) allow us to identify them on sight and avoid them, 3) sometimes results in good things happening for the rest of us.

I’m really into politics because I care what happens in this world, and I want to feel like I have a say in the direction of my life, but I know that this is a flawed, flawed system. Maybe I should run for office and fix it.

Kidding.