You’re never too young to shill for your family

This is what Porkchop is wearing right now. I didn’t buy it, and it isn’t true, but I do appreciate that she’s already trying to help me protect my interests.

I just don’t know

Elton John and his husband have a new baby. Yay! Their new baby lives next door to them…yay?

On the one hand, I totally get it. Babies are so freaking cute, but they’re also loud and smelly. So I get not wanting to be in close quarters with them. But putting the kiddo and his nannies in the apartment next door? Seems a little cold-blooded to me. Still, I’d be lying if I said this option wouldn’t tempt me if I had a baby.

Futher evidence that the French are the luckiest people on the planet

Even though their retirement age has been raised to the beastly age of 62, the French really have it good. They strike all the time at the barest provocation, and they get approximately a million days of vacation per year. It turns out that their kiddos are rather lucky, too. An 18-month-old, who was somehow unattended by her parents (they must have been suffering from ennui or taking a siesta), fell from a sixth-story window, bounced on a business’s awning, and was then caught by a doctor. How much luck can one person have? It’s amazing enough that the awning broke her fall, and then she landed in the hands of a doctor? I want that kid to pick my lottery numbers.

Not the child in question.

Satanski shows us how to march in a parade

My nephew marched with my library during today’s Memorial Day parade. You’d think a 5-year-old wouldn’t be able to teach us anything about how to get from the beginning of the parade to the end. You’d be wrong.

I don’t know why every parade marcher doesn’t break this out at some point during the parade route.

Not the Onion II

I don’t even understand how this is a real headline: Knox Jolie-Pitt Looks Like His Parents

Is the volcanic ash no longer sexy, now that transatlantic flights have resumed? Did the Pirates’ 20 – 0 drubbing at the hands of the Brewers not do it for the folks at The Huffington Post? I’m wracking my brain here for an explanation of this completely obvious headline that looks for all the world like it belongs at The Onion. Possible headline: Biological Child of Famous People Resembles His Parents

What  I find more interesting is that they failed to note that he inherited his Republican grandfather’s political leanings, as evidenced by the pro-NRA gesture he’s making.

Cute!

I love everything about this picture and the article that goes with it. Listening to little kids talk amongst themselves is one of the things I love the most; they’re hilarious, and make a surprising amount of sense when they’re being serious.

Other people’s kids are hilarious

I’m inclined to find adorable any child who does not awaken me in the middle of the night, but these kids are hilarious as well. It’s nice to see positive interactions between adults (parents and older siblings) and the kids in their lives. I bring you: Tiny Art Director and AxeCop! Presented in order of meanness, and therefore hilarity.

“That would be Ott-iss”

It’s always nice to find out that people who you don’t think of as funny have a good sense of humor. Here, Tobey Maguire played a trick on his wife, Jennifer Meyer, two weeks after the birth of their son, Otis, whom they hadn’t named immediately, and who needed a birth certificate. He spelled it correctly on the real birth certificate, and then brought an extra home with the baby’s name spelled as “Oatis.”

Awesomeness ensued.

I’m a miss Capucine!

Voilà deux vidéos de Capucine, une jolie petite fille francaise qui a gagné beaucoup d’adoration sur l’Internet par raconter une histoire originale tres amusante…wait! This is my English blog. So sorry. Anyway, here are two videos of Capucine, the adorable little French girl whose convoluted story of lions, mammoths, animal suicide and heaven rejection is currently tearing up the Internet. The first video is of said story, and the second is of her showing off her newly acquired English. Although her story is hilarious (and good for practicing my French), I actually prefer the second video, because her English version of Frère Jacques sounds like my nephew’s attempts at the French version: the first verse is more or less coherent, but the second is a mishmash of confused Franglais and is just hilarious. Then, just when you think that the song has slipped completely out of their grasp, they reel it back in with a triumphant “ding dang dong!” This video reminds me that I need to record Satanski’s attempt at this song, as all of my other blackmail material is getting old.

[vimeo 2113477]

[vimeo 1876895]

Out of the mouth of babes

I am now cracking up at Satanski, my 3 year-old nephew, who just said to me, “Tomorrow, when Barack Obama wins, I’m going to have a party!” I am guilty of fearing a jinx, but I don’t mind if he feels comfortable enough to say it. Never let it be said that I inflicted my neuroses on a minor (I almost called him an innocent minor, but that would be going too far).