Imagine if the Tea Party was Black

Imagine if the Tea Party Was Black by Tim Wise, via Ephphatha Poetry.

Not the Onion II

I don’t even understand how this is a real headline: Knox Jolie-Pitt Looks Like His Parents

Is the volcanic ash no longer sexy, now that transatlantic flights have resumed? Did the Pirates’ 20 – 0 drubbing at the hands of the Brewers not do it for the folks at The Huffington Post? I’m wracking my brain here for an explanation of this completely obvious headline that looks for all the world like it belongs at The Onion. Possible headline: Biological Child of Famous People Resembles His Parents

What  I find more interesting is that they failed to note that he inherited his Republican grandfather’s political leanings, as evidenced by the pro-NRA gesture he’s making.

You were born in Puerto Rico. Your existence is invalid.

“Y is a fact, [so] your x is invalid,” is only funny when y = something silly and x = your argument. Then we’re talking about the meme most likely to crack me up. Infinitely less hilarious is when y = you were born in Puerto Rico and x = your birth certificate. Then we’re talking about millions of people being utterly screwed.

The problem is that Puerto Rican birth certificates are somehow extra ripe for being spoofed, forged, and otherwise used for nefarious purposes. The US State Department and Department of Homeland Security estimate that around 40% of forged US passports were obtained using birth certificates from Puerto Rico. That’s obviously a very serious and scary thing. The government’s solution, though, seems particularly ham-fisted: they’re simply going to invalidate any Puerto Rican birth certificate issued before July 1, 2010.

From my reading of the article, it seems that a large part of the problem is the way that birth certificates are passed along to and for in Puerto Rican society. From the end of the article:

Only 45,622 children were born in Puerto Rico in 2008, according to the National Center for Health Statistics. But more than 860,000 certified copies of birth certificates were issued by the Puerto Rican Office of Vital Statistics the same year, according to the Office of Management and Budget.

That is an insane discrepancy between people born and birth certificate copies issued. Over the course of a lifetime, so many people in Puerto Rico request extra copies of their own and their children’s birth certificates, and really have no idea where the extras are now. Of course unscrupulous people are using Puerto Rican birth certificates; well-meaning citizens have made things easy for them by having so many extra copies of real birth certificates floating around. If that doesn’t change, will the goverment’s new measures make any difference in the long run?

Cute!

I love everything about this picture and the article that goes with it. Listening to little kids talk amongst themselves is one of the things I love the most; they’re hilarious, and make a surprising amount of sense when they’re being serious.

But can the Proclaimers do this???

What does Sottish rap sound like? No, that’s not the set-up of a joke. The answer is, “Who really knows?” This interview with Gavin Bain tells the story of two talented Scottish rappers (Bain and Billy Boyd) who were mocked and laughed at when they performed in their native accent. Moving to the United States, inventing new biographies for themselves, and pretending to be American got them the recognition they couldn’t get before. I love a good hoax story, but the underlying prejudice that allowed (forced?) them to do this is pretty awful. Still, I cannot believe how many people they got to believe them. To paraphrase Bain, you can indeed kid a kidder.

Sirs, I salute your commitment to political discourse

…but question your choice of venue.

Making hay while I still have a job

I’m enjoying one of the more awesome parts of being employed: the business trip. I’m attending the Computers in Libraries conference this week. Maybe I only find this exciting because I don’t HAVE to travel much, but I like moving around, and the DC area, where I am, is gorgeous this time of year. I’m in a session right now, and it’s pretty fascinating, but sitting here having somebody talk at me is reminding me of college in a big way. I’m taking notes on my computer, which I was a couple of years too old to really have experienced as an undergrad, but is cool. Still, the lure of the internet is, as you can see, too strong to resist.

Sarah+Michele 4eva!

I feel like the universe should probably have imploded upon the recent convergence of Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann upon the unsuspecting voters of Minnesota. I think they violated natural laws about how many concurrent examples you could have of 10 pounds of crazy fitting into a five pound bag. The woman at the end of that article is wrong, though: I’m not threatened by the fact that Palin and Bachmann are successful women. My lack of respect for them stems from the fact that they say crazy and dangerous things which, sadly, is exactly why many people love them. Their sex isn’t of any interest to me, and jeebus knows there are more than enough loony toons male politicians out there.

I’m upset with The Wall Street Journal for taking my favorite imaginary band name (Bachmann-Palin Overdrive) and making it into the headline for a rather run-of-the-mill story. Fools! You need to save that kind of awesomeness for your A-material. No wonder print journalism is dying. Also, I’m not sure whether the idea of Palin-Bachmann 2010 is more amusing, or more frightening than just about everything else ever. It’s a thin line, folks. (Although I already know what should obviously be their theme song.)

I think that somebody could make a reality show of these two saying “Alaska” and “Minnesota” non-stop. I’d DVR the crap out of that program. Oh dear god, the accents! If these two had to exist and come from anywhere, I’m happy that it’s states with such interesting-sounding names. And then Tina Fey and her Mini-Me could spend hours and hours mocking them on SNL. I’d watch that, too.

I so often enjoy the world in my head much more than the one that I’m physically inhabiting.

Let it go, you lost

Dear Bob McDonnell,

If you would stop bending over backwards to commemorate a violent, racist legacy that has been tirelessly whitewashed (yeah, I said it) and romanticized, you wouldn’t have to apologize for omitting any related mention of slavery.

You’re welcome.

**

I googled Confederacy links to include in this post, but many of them made me want to vomit, weep, or perhaps vomit while weeping, so I’ll just skip those today.

Please help keep me in books and yarn* – Permanent for now

I know that this isn’t about me at all, but I feel that a little selfishness is allowed, as I will be directly affected if Governor Christie’s proposed budget is passed. As it stands, this budget would cut 74% of New Jersey library funding. By any accounting, that is an insane amount of money, even though the $10 million in library programs cut from the Governor’s budget represents little more than $1 per person in state funds.

What you can do:

• Become a NJ library champion
• Become a BCCLS (Bergen County) library champion
• Contact your legislators online (scroll down)
• Send a letter to your legislators Related: Find out who your legislators are
• Who doesn’t like a good rally? Join the May 6 rally for libraries in sexy Trenton, NJ
• Join the “Save New Jersey Libraries” Facebook Group. This is one of the most visible and least useful ways to support something, so make sure you do at least one or two of the other things, as well.

* Those are my vices, although I will admit that they’re not nearly as exciting as hookers and blow.