Just when I thought that the international mania surrounding the royal wedding couldn’t get any more ridiculous, I came across this gem: Knit Your Own Royal Wedding. That’s right, knitters: should the royal couple have forgotten to invite you to their zoo of a wedding, you can console yourself by knitting tiny representations of them. Because that’s not creepy at all. And the worst part is that, as of the time of this post, this book is #499 in Books. Not crafting books. ALL books.
How does a 3 year old, even one with a possible traumatic brain injury, just take up smoking and drinking? And who just gives a kid that age cigarettes on credit? Bonkers.
I feel like the universe should probably have imploded upon the recent convergence of Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann upon the unsuspecting voters of Minnesota. I think they violated natural laws about how many concurrent examples you could have of 10 pounds of crazy fitting into a five pound bag. The woman at the end of that article is wrong, though: I’m not threatened by the fact that Palin and Bachmann are successful women. My lack of respect for them stems from the fact that they say crazy and dangerous things which, sadly, is exactly why many people love them. Their sex isn’t of any interest to me, and jeebus knows there are more than enough loony toonsmale politicians out there.
I’m upset with The Wall Street Journal for taking my favorite imaginary band name (Bachmann-Palin Overdrive) and making it into the headline for a rather run-of-the-mill story. Fools! You need to save that kind of awesomeness for your A-material. No wonder print journalism is dying. Also, I’m not sure whether the idea of Palin-Bachmann 2010 is more amusing, or more frightening than just about everything else ever. It’s a thin line, folks. (Although I already know what should obviously be their theme song.)
I think that somebody could make a reality show of these two saying “Alaska” and “Minnesota” non-stop. I’d DVR the crap out of that program. Oh dear god, the accents! If these two had to exist and come from anywhere, I’m happy that it’s states with such interesting-sounding names. And then Tina Fey and her Mini-Me could spend hours and hours mocking them on SNL. I’d watch that, too.
I so often enjoy the world in my head much more than the one that I’m physically inhabiting.
Join the “Save New Jersey Libraries” Facebook Group. This is one of the most visible and least useful ways to support something, so make sure you do at least one or two of the other things, as well.
* Those are my vices, although I will admit that they’re not nearly as exciting as hookers and blow.
I’m wonder if yesterday’s post made it sound like I hate children, which actually couldn’t be further from the truth. I like kids, and kids really like me. I’m the Baby Whisperer. You give me a fussy kid and me holding them generally quiets them down pretty quickly (note: this only works on babies who don’t know me very well – I guess my charm is in my newness). I just try not to be all, “Won’t somebody think about the children??” when it comes to a everything. I think that sometimes people give up too much in the name of protecting children, to nobody’s benefit.
Unless, of course, protecting children is exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. In which case, you’d better earn your keep. I just read the most horrific story about Our Little Rugratz, a daycare center in Jersey City that left behind a two-year-old after a field trip to New York City. Are you kidding me? My 19-year-old cousin was in Manhattan on Saturday and wouldn’t even let me leave him in Chinatown, where he was supposed to meet up with his friends.
How is it possible that people in charge of multiple children didn’t count obsessively to see if they had everybody? Kids wander off all the time, so if they’d known that they were missing one child, that would have been more understandable. But they didn’t. They left Emily Grogan in New York, and didn’t realize it until several hours had passed. Oh. My. God. And the first indication that parents Amy and Joseph Grogan had that something was wrong was when Amy went to pick up Emily. I’m so sorry that her parents had to go through that, and completely understand why the Grogans have pressed charges against Iris and Luis Pietri, the owners of the daycare center.
This article lists some of ways that you can help the people of Haiti. It seems obvious, but I’m surprised that they left off the Red Cross’s web site. You can make a general donation here, or text “HAITI” to 90999 to donate $10 via the Red Cross.
I know that not everybody is going to donate. Maybe you didn’t know how to (hint: look up). Maybe you’re broke or on a tight budget or just focusing your donation efforts elsewhere. Whatever your reason is, I hope it’s not because you’re as big a jackass as Pat Robertson.
If I wasn’t already sick, my newfound knowledge of the McNuggetini would probably make me ill. What is wrong with people? I enjoy good production values and nice dresses at least as much as the next person, but seriously? Talks of a tv show? There is nothing good about this situation. I don’t know how I’ve gone this long without hearing about this thing, but I could easily have spent the rest of my life in the dark about this.
I really like Philadelphia. Despite its obnoxious baseball team (who the Mets beat today in dramatic fashion [finally]), it has a lot of good things to recommend it. It’s walkable, pretty, and since the murder rate is so high (but now falling!), it’s nice that the cabs are plentiful and relatively cheap. Plus, I have good friends who live nearby, which clearly adds to the awesomeness that is Philly. At one point, I’d even considered moving there and getting a job at one of the city’s library branches. Which is why the news that the entire city/regional Free Library of Philadelphia system will close on October 2, unless the state legislature approves funding, is both so shocking and frightening. I’ve heard of branches closing or hours being cut back, but I’ve never heard about such a large library system considering closing down altogether. This is both nuts and scary. In this time of increased economic hardship, libraries are playing a vital role in their communities.
Should this happen, I wish the best of luck to all who lose their jobs because of this, and the worst of it to the politicians responsible.
Absolutely terrifying, Knitting, Seriously?? | Nicole | 
April 22, 2011 12:48 pm | 
Comments Off on Here’s a lower place 
Subscribe