Not even for irony’s sake would I knit these

Vogue Knitting Magazine is having a sale on all of their patterns, which is kind of awesome. There are lots of pretty things that I’d love to knit if I had unlimited time and an endless yarn budget. Here are some patterns that I like:

Then there are things that I would have to be already dead to be seen in.

Why????

You shouldn’t be able to wear Louboutins until you can legally drink

I think it’s pretty hilarious and awesome that Selena Gomez (who?) wouldn’t take off her high heels when my favorite building-exiter ever, Justin Bieber, asked her to, but my rah rah girlpower mood was kind of killed when I realized that she’s wearing ~$700 shoes in the accompanying picture. I’m not wishing an excess of teenage angst or even acne on the kid, but seriously? Let the grown-ups handle the designer footwear, kiddo.

“La la la la la, I can’t hear you,” he cried

I wonder how sick Tim Gun is of the phrase “make it work.” It’s a very reasonable and encouraging piece of advice that is uttered by the interviewer  in (or used somewhere in the text of) almost every Tim Gunn interview I’ve read. If I’m sick of reading it, how must he feel? That being said, although he can obviously do no wrong, my love of Mr. Gunn has grown a little bit now that I see that his opinions regarding all other reality tv shows nicely complement my own.

Derelicte lives

I recently saw Zoolander again for the first time in ages. I was really surprised by how much I enjoyed it; sometimes, after not having seen a movie in a long time, you realize that it wasn’t as good as you remembered. That wasn’t the case in this situation, which is good, because I have a lot of good memories of watching and quoting Zoolander with my brother.

One of the most awesomely far-fetched parts of it was Mugatu’s line of clothing, Derelicte. It was homeless chic, where they went straight for the homeless look and abandoned chic altogether. At least, I thought it was far-fetched. Fast forward to Vivienne Westwood’s new menswear line, which looks like it should be named “Derelicte 2.0: Now With More Dirt.”

I found this image on Jezebel, and you can read the rest of their post on this subject.

The Sky is the Limit

Every week, I watch Project Runway later and later. It used to be that on Thursdays, when it aired, I would give my Tivo a twenty minute head start and then start to watch. Then I began to watch on Fridays. Then it was Saturday, then Sunday. It’s now Monday, and I’m just now getting around to watching last week’s episode. Let’s face it: this season is not exciting. I’m not looking for manufactured drama, but these people are seriously killing my will to watch this show. I am so bored, that I am not even going to stop knitting while watching. So there, Project Runway!!!! This is going to be exactly like all of my other musings about Project Runway, except five hundred words shorter.

Observations: the guys are dropping like flies. Usually the women get picked off early and often, but that pattern hasn’t held up this season.

This week’s challenge, according to Heidi, is colorful. The designers meet Tim Gunn and Martine, some Macy’s shill, in the workroom, and are told that they’ll be working with the color blue. This is a one-day, team challenge. The winner gets to design a holiday dress that will be sold at Macy’s (but each team is presenting two designs, neither of which is said holiday dress). Also, teams??? What did I say before about manufactured drama? Anyway, each of the remaining 10 designers will sketch something, and Martine the Macy’s lady will choose the designers of her five favorites.

The  team leaders are Irina, Althea (a two-time team leader, and probably the only person in the history of this program who has ever enjoyed team challenges), Carol Hannah, Christopher, and Louise. Althea gets to pick her partner first, and she chooses Logan. I wonder how Carol Hannah feels about that. Christopher chooses Epperson, Louise chooses Nicolas (who has immunity), Irina lets the remaining two people choose who wants to work with her, and Gordana says she will first, so Carol Hannah and Shirin end up being a team. Shirin had such promise in the beginning, and seems to have faded; also, her maniacal chatter, which was highlighted in the last episode, can not have endeared her to the others.

The teams have 20 minutes and $100 to spend at Mood, and because of how huge it would be to have a dress at Macy’s, the winner will not get immunity. I loves those kinds of challenges! Nobody gets to coast next week. Haha! Louise almost loses the money while at Mood. She says that she loses her head when she’s in the thick of a challenge.

I can’t decide what is more entertaining: the teams that start to implode almost immediately (Louise and Nicolas, who starts talking smack about her soon after returning to the workroom), or those that experience slow meltdowns (Irina and Gordana). Notes: Nicolas really really really hates ruffles. Irina is such a good underminer. Do the other contestants know how evil she is? I can’t tell. Christopher feels that he and Epperson are the team to beat.

I love Gordana, but I kind of want to see somebody “as they say, throw [her] on the bus.” If only she knew how supportive that action would be.

Heidi greets the designers on the runway, looking as though she popped in on her way to bed. There’s nothing right about her outfit. I think her jeans are acid washed, but I want to keep respecting her, so I’m not going to look too closely. Sometimes I think the wardrobe people on this show are just messing with the contestants like, “See? When you’ve been in this industry for a while, you can make celebrities wear anything, no matter how awful.” If you think about it hard enough, it’s kind of inspiring.

The judges are Top American Designer, Michael Kors, who I’ve missed; Zanna Roberts, the adorable senior fashion editor of Marie Claire; and Martine. One of the designers will be named the winner, and one or more them will be out. Interesting. Evil Irina’s dress is lovely, but Gordana’s look is not as interesting to me. Althea and Logan’s first model comes out looking kind of h0-ish, especially because the slit at the back keeps growing as she walks along the runway. Awkward. The second look is okay, but nothing special. Louise’s looks are not remarkable, but Nicolas hates them. Carol Hannah’s two looks are super, although, like Tim Gunn, the less I say about leggings, the better. Christopher and Epperson’s shirt dress is okay, but their second look is slightly old-maidish. When the scores are tallied, Althea and Logan are told that their scores are high enough to send them into the next round. Really? I can’t believe that the traveling slit wasn’t even mentioned. How’d Kors let that one go without even a comment? Maybe he’s taken up meditation in all the spare time he has from not appearing in any previous episodes of this show this season. Heidi tells Louise and Nicolas and Christopher and Epperson that their two teams have the lowest scores. I am a horrible person for finding the latter twosome’s expressions of disbelief so hilarious.

The teams with the highest scores get to hang out onstage while the losers slink away. Shirin and Carol Hannah are all sweetness and light, and the judges love their looks’ necklines. Evil Irina and Gordana’s looks get raves, but Heidi, smelling blood, asks them how it was to work together. Gordana tries to be diplomatic, but The Evil One says that Gordana’s shyness was a bit obnoxious, and she could have taken a more active role.

Then the other two teams come back out on the runway. The Heidi keeps saying “one, or more of you, will be out,” makes me hope that she takes somebody from each team. If that’s the case, we can say goodbye right now to Louise and Epperson. Later, kids! Much like Nicolas, the judges are not enamored of Louise’s ruffles. I wonder if he would have tried harder to change her mind or insert more of himself in their outfits if he didn’t have immunity this week. Heidi is baffled by the neckline of Christopher and Epperson’s shirt, and talking about that for approximately five seconds makes Christopher cry. The judges are also not sure why anybody would make a shiny shirt dress. Cosigned. Christopher sobs some more. Awww. This is actually a little heartbreaking.

Irina is named the winner. Evil has triumphed once again. Completely surprising me, Epperson is the first of the bottom-dwellers to be retained. Seriously? That guy has like nine lives or something. Also, he should never again work with anybody, ever, on anything. For real. I am suddenly afraid for Christopher, because it’s just him and Louise left onstage. Heidi says that Louise’s looks resemble “bad, overworked bridesmaids dresses.” Ouch. And yes. She tells Christopher that the only thing his items have in common is how clueless they are. Damn, Heidi. I would hate to hear this woman discipline her children. Christopher starts to cry again when he’s told that he’s in. I’m happy that he lives to design another day. That means, of course, that Louise is out. Like Shirin, who seems to have found some of her focus again this episode (or maybe just borrowed some from Carol Hannah), Louise started off excellently and degenerated noticeably throughout the competition. The Tivo cut off before the previews came, and I’m too lazy too google, so we shall find out next week’s challege…next week.

Until then.

Fashion Headlines

Week 5 of Project Runway opens in the apartment that Qristyl left. The remaining residents mention how it’s now quieter. I am not surprised about that. Then, in another apartment, Johnny starts to emote about being in the bottom three last week. He never wants to be there again!! Really? Why ever not, Johnny? I guess that stating the completely obvious is part and parcel of reality television, and it gives me something to laugh at, but jeez, people. Anyway, then Althea says that she doesn’t want the judges to think that her win was a fluke. I’ve liked pretty much everything she’s done so far and she hasn’t been in danger before, so I think that if she can going in the same direction and avoid allowing the stress to get to her, she’ll be okay.

Irina is a total bitch. Last week she said that Althea’s design looked like crap, and then Althea won. Handily. So it looks like Irina’s comments were based less in reality and more in jealousy. Hey, that’s cool with me. We haven’t had a genuinely bitchy female contestant since Wendy Pepper (Kenley was more petulant than evil). So when does everybody else find out about Irina? Because I think they don’t know yet. Her evilness, combined with the generally beautiful clothes that she makes, might carry her a long way in this competition.

And then Nicholas says that Johnny and Irina don’t belong, and that, really, nobody else does, because he’s obviously going to win. Nicholas, who I passed on the street on Wednesday! Shut up, it was exciting. I am going to mention this at least once more. On the Runway, Heidi once again comes out looking a million times better than any of the models will this entire episode. For them, being around her must induce one part inspiration and two parts despair. Okay, so the designers are going on another field trip and Heidi says that the answers will be in black and white. Answers? What was the question? I don’t know why they’re always so excited about this. These things never end well. Anyway, the black and white clue, combined with the episode title “Fashion Headlines,” makes me worry about whether the designers will have to talk to and then design for journalists. And then they end up at the LA Times. Oh my goodness. They are so puzzled. They are introduced to the paper’s fashion editor, and their eyes glaze over a bit until they’re told that they’re going to be working with actual newspaper. Then they are all like, “AAAAAHHHH”! I love it!

They’re allowed to take all the paper they can carry. Some of these designers are not big people, so that could be a problem, but Evil Irina wonders why everybody else is taking so much paper: “They’re dressing a human, not an elephant,” so maybe that’s not the biggest deal. The designers can use paint and glue, and they can have a muslin base to their garment, although it can’t show. Then Tim Gunn gives everybody a bit of education about paper clothing. I love Tim Gunn. He’s such a teacher.

One by one, the designers are freaking out about different aspects of the challenge: Althea doesn’t know how paper drapes; Carol Hannah has to dye the sheets first so they’ll dry, but she doesn’t like the color she’s getting; Nicholas is like, “huh, paper?” and fears he’ll end up going home. Irina’s idea is to make the paper look like fabric. This is either a great idea or a horrible one. Shirin’s dress is pretty cute; she’s using shellac to do the bodice and is talking a mile a minute. There are reaction shots showing the other designers’ faces when she talks. Logan says that he’s never met a small woman who made so much noise. I think Shirin must be one of those people who you either find adorable or annoying. I think she’s cute, but I’ve also never tried to work with her blathering behind me. Nicholas, who is the same age as Shirin, says that she makes him feel so old, and is complete baffled by her babbling.

Johnny loves his dress, which is going to be like large scale origami and painted red, and Nicholas hates it: “This is just some wrinkled paper with pig’s blood all over it.” Oh yeah, he went there with a Carrie reference. I don’t know why, but Nicholas is totally growing on me. He’s just so over everybody on this show and unlike some people (IRINA), his comments don’t seem rooted in envy.

Ra’Mon is excited by being able to use paper. Louise (love her!), is making a headline dress. She might be the only person who is not seeking to transform the newspaper into something else. Tim visits the room, starting with Gordana. She was going to do two items, a boring dress with something about change written on it, and then a stunning piece with dyed newspaper folded into cool shapes and shaped like a fabric dress. Tim loves this one, because there’s no fabric foundation, and tells her to ditch the other one entirely. “What a great way to start!”

Althea says the words “shoulder pads” and I get really worried. I think that Tim is disappointed, too, because he reminds her that she has immunity, and therefore can do whatever she wants. He confirms this by saying that he’s disappointed and that she should look at the paper upside down, to see abstract shapes and not so much just newsprint. Then it’s over to Irina’s workstation. She has made a dress, but doesn’t like the way it hangs. She considers doing a coat with a muslin backing, and Tim reminds her of the paper raincoat of 1968 (remember that old thing?), which was not backed by muslin.

Then Tim strolls over to Johnny, and has to break it to him: that dress is not awesome. It is not classy, it will not will be anything but a one-way ticket home. But Johnny’s sensitive and such, so Tim just encapsulates all that by saying it looks like a craft project, or that a bunch of kindergartners did it. Tim Gunn is saying that I, or perhaps Satanski, could make this dress. If you knew my nephew, or about my attempts at any craft not called knitting, you’d understand how much of an insult this really is. Johnny tries to explain that it’s like the birds at the top are holding up the dress, and Tim says it looks more like the birds attacked the dress. The other designers laugh, because this is true, and also because they hate Johnny. Johnny, you must know that when Tim has said that it looks like a gang of small children could have made your garment, no amount of explaining is going to get him to like it. Then Johnny interviews that his reaction was “Ouch” and he’ll be starting something else, with 4.5 hours to go before the end of the day.

Nicholas and Tim have a boring conversation about Nicholas’s work, but the word “craft” does not come up in their brief discussion, so I think that we can all agree that that went better than the confab with Johnny. Then it’s Christopher’s turn. He says that he wants a showstopper, and Tim seems really impressed by the idea. So much so that Tim cuts short the discussion so that Christopher can continue work on his dress. I know that Tim must have met with all of the other designers, too, but those meeting aren’t shown. I guess we know who won’t be in the top and bottom of the pack.

Johnny starts over again and lays out the squares he’ll need for his new design. Irina says that she was inspired by Tim, and will  construct a coat entirely out of paper (without muslin) now that she knows it can be done. Nicholas’s says that his dress is inspired by the 90s’ punk rock club scene. Althea’s dress looks really pretty. Johnny is no longer sure what he’s doing, which is probably the smartest thing he’s said all series. The model come in and are in love with the idea of garments made out of newspaper; they all seem blown away by what the designers have done. Shirin’s dress is heavy, and will also be strapless. The potential for disaster is intriguing.

Oh my goodness, will they please kick Johnny off the show? By now, it’s clear that pathetic is his default mode, and I don’t want to deal with it anymore. Sack up, man! He tells his model that he made another dress, because he had an incident with a steamer and the paper in his first dress started to split. In an interview, Nicholas calls shenanigans, saying that there isn’t even a steamer in the sewing room that day. Shirin baldly says, “Johnny made up this lie.” With two hours to work before that day’s deadline and his second awful dress on the form, Johnny sits down and does a crossword puzzle. This has shades of Mitchell’s bouncing around the workroom, and we all know how that worked out for him. And Johnny doesn’t even have a competent designer doing all of his work for him!

At the apartment later, he tells the same story to Ra’Mon, whose reaction I can’t gauge. In another apartment, male and female designers are sitting around and laughing at the ridiculousness that is Johnny. Now we’re on the next day. Epperson says about Johnny, “He’s still here for a reason.” At first I worry that Epperson is going to go all Magical Negro on them, but then he pulls out the awesome with his explanation: ” Comic relief.”

The designers have two hours to get everything done and prepare for the runway show. Johnny, who was doing the freaking crossword the night before, now complains that he doesn’t have the time to carry out his vision. From one procrastinator to another, it must be said: “Johnny, you have nobody to blame but yourself.” Althea and Ra’Mon don’t think that Irina’s coat, which is shaped newsprint, fits in with the amount of work that everybody else has done, and they are totally obvious and bitchy about discussing it. First Epperson, now Althea? Everybody’s getting meaner. Gordana is in love with her dress, and I don’t blame her at all. Nicholas hopes that the judges tear Johnny apart for his dress, which Johnny call’s Nicholas’s design stupid. Meow, these two really do not like one another.

And now for the runway show! Joining Heidi as judges are Tommy Hilfiger, Zoe Glassner again, and Eva Longoria Parker. Whatever Eva. I want Jen Rade to come back. Logan’s dress is super cute. It’s Asian-inspired and I love the blue on white. Christopher’s dress moves well, but I’m not seeing the wow factor that he said he was going for. Ra’Mon’s two pieces are adorable. Epperson’s dress is very costume-y. Make it a 3x, and I could totally see Chris March in it. Johnny is explaining away his short, boring dress in his voice-over; this is not a good sign. Gordana’s dress looks great on the runway and you can’t even tell it’s paper. In my opinion, Carol Hannah’s gown is more of a showstopper than Christopher’s. The skirt of Shirin’s dress actually reminds me of the skirts on Leanne Marshall’s final collection. Different medium, I know, but it’s the first thing that came to mind. Of course, this means that this strapless dress is totally cute. Although she’s sort of evil, I have to say that I love Irina’s coat. Whoa, Althea’s dress is gorgeous! I’m not in love with Louise’s dress. The skirt popped up in the sort of peek-a-boo that no woman wants to see in her skirt.

Christopher, Nicholas, Johnny, Irina, Althea, and Gordana are asked to remain onstage. Carol Hannah, you were robbed! The judges are crazy about Althea’s dress. Gordana’s dress is so nice, but so obviously made to look not like paper, that the judges are a bit bored by it. Irina’s coat wins raves, although Tommy Hilfiger does not love the visible tape at the back or the length. And then it’s Johnny’s turn! Wait, let me get some popcorn.

Okay, I’m back. Heidi asks how much time he spent on the dress. He tells the steamer lie again, and says that he didn’t have a lot of time to work on this dress. He does not mention the crossword puzzle. Heidi tells him that the short dress, combined with the aggressive hair, makeup, and red heels, made his model look like a prosiitute.  The best part of this exchange my realization that this interpretation of his look absolutely never occurred to him before Heidi said it. Zoe Glassner inexplicably likes his design. For real, bring back Jen Rade. Johnny lies about the awesomeness of his previous garment, saying that it was like a Dior, and Nicholas shakes his head. Heidi asks why, and he describes the original dress as “a red mess.” Johnny says a sarcastic thanks, but really, why lie about something that everybody else saw? Earlier he admitted that the dress hadn’t been as awesome as he thought it was, so why would he bother to make up the Dior/steamer story in the first place? I don’t get it. Nicholas explains that it was the bird remark from Tim, not a steamer accident, that prompted Johnny to change designs. Johnny says that Nicholas threw him under the bus and calls him a jerk. Tension!

The judges then move onto asking Nicholas about his own work. He doesn’t fare much better than Johnny, when he explains his punk club kid inspiration. They’re not seeing it. Zoe says it looks like an insect. Suddenly Nicholas vs Johnny has become a million times more interesting. Christopher is the final designer in the top three. He explains his inspiration to the judges, and I guess they get him better than I do, because they love his dress. The designers leave the stage and the judges get down to discussing stuff.

The highlights: Christopher has taken a risk! Althea has shaped her dress beautifully! Irina’s coat is dramatic without being gimicky. Now for the bad. I understand that, in the interest of symmetry, there needs to be three people in the bottom, but I don’t for a second believe that Gordana is in any danger. Her only problem is that she has made a paper dress that too-convincingly mimics fabric. The judges agree with me on this, and move on from her pretty quickly. The judges don’t get Nicholas’s dress or its construction, and don’t see anything punk about it. With Johnny, the truthfulness of his story is called into question, and they talk about the underwhelming nature of his dress.

Predictions: Althea or Irina will win. I think that Johnny will be the one sent home.

We move onto the results. Yay! Irina won. A good villain can only stick around if he or she wins sometimes. I wonder if this will help with that jealousy problem. I love how she says that this victory is overdue. Also, assuming he makes it to next week, I trust this will stop Nicholas from putting her on his list of people who will be going home sooner rather than later. Althea and Gordana are dismissed from the stage. The final countdown music plays, and then Nicholas is told that he’s in. Later, Johnny! If you’d put more effort into this, I’d feel worse about you being sent home. The nugget of wisdom that he chooses to share with us? “There’s something bigger on the horizon for me.” Unless we’re talking about a looming relapse, I really doubt it.

Backstage, the lie that Johnny told on the runway forces Tim out of his usual zen state; he actually start talking about Johnny while the man is still cleaning his workspace. Cold! Designers of America, let that be a lesson: you do not mess with Tim Gunn!!! I really don’t get it. How did Johnny think that he’d get away with that kind of lie? This is a competition, not summer camp; no other designer was going to keep quiet about that kind of fiction at the expense of his or her own chances.

Hands down, this was the best episode of the season, and sure to please those who said there wasn’t enough drama or challenge happening.

Loaded Gunn

It’s no secret that I love Tim Gunn. Like, love. He’s the best. And now a whole new group, comic book readers, will get a chance to love Tim Gunn, too. Enter Loaded Gunn, a comic book series where Tim Gunn rescues the world from horrible clothes. Tim Gunn is the best sport ever: “Most superheroes are fighting the same thing — good vs. evil — but who’s taking on crimes against fashion? Me!”

Things Fall Apart

Rumble on the  Runway – This is the first episode this season where the designers had to work in groups, so I knew that all of the goodwill of previous weeks was about to go the way of the dinosaur.

This episode begins with a recap of last week, and then shows some of the guys (Ra’Mon, Mitchell, Epperson, and Logan) talking to each other and in the interview room about how they do not want to go home next. I can’t believe that it has taken me this long to realize that there’s no model-swapping this season. Your model is your model, unless you’re eliminated, and then you’re both out. Harsh! That does do away with one source of tension, though. I guess that’s another reason they can have the companion show about the models, but so far I haven’t remembered to watch or tivo it.

On the runway, Heidi tells the designers that they’re going on another field trip. I do not know why those words excite them so, since Project Runway “field trips” usually end up being only slightly less psychologically harmful than the Stanford Prison Experiment. Tim Gunn in sandals and sunglasses?? My life is complete!

The challenge is to create a fun and fashionable look based on surf culture. And of course, because the beach offers limited options for branding, the “seamless” advertising that this show is know for enters with the second part of the challenge: designing the perfect complimentary hairstyle for the model, with the help of Garnier products. I always feel those meetings with

Mitchell’s face when he heard the word team was a little ridiculous. You’d think that somebody who’d messed up so greatly the last two weeks would have preferred to have all the help he could get. Shirin picks Carol-Hannah. Logan chooses Christopher, Nicholas chooses Gordana. Mitchell chooses Ra’Mon, and says honestly that he’s looking for somebody to carry him. Then what was with the face before? I think that maybe somebody’s a little conflicted about needing help so early in the competition… Althea picks Louise, and Spell Check (aka Qristyl), like the bitchy kid who picks second to last for kickball, can’t resist saying “This is tough” before taking Epperson over Irina. Cow. That leaves Irina to work with Johnny, the final team leader. I’ve liked things that Irina made, but most people picked their friends, I think, rather than people who would necessarily create well with them, so I don’t see this as much of a slight. Everybody gives a mock “oooohhhhh” at her being the last person, and it all seemed kind of goodnatured. Not sure how she feels about it, though.

Oh! Nice! The women modeling the surfwear are actually surfers, and are able to look good in the clothes and offer opinions and information about what the clothes need to be like. I appreciate that kind of attention to function, not just form.

Ra’Mon, for his part, understands that Mitchell is pretty much an anchor around his neck. He’s worried that the pairing is going to make the two of them targets for the judges. Understood. Spell Check, living in whatever parallel universe that she inhabits, is offended that Epperson, whose stuff so far has been far superior to hers, is treating their relationship more like a student-teacher thing than recognizing that she’s the leader. Does she remember her dress from the first week?

They have $50 and 15 minutes to shop. This is pretty messed up. They get half the time and the money of the previous week, even though there are two people. And watching the pairs shop is sort of difficult. The facades are slipping! Compromise does take a long time, I guess, and now captains are starting to pull rank. Understandable, but uncomfortable to watch.

I love watching Epperson trying to handle Spell Check’s choices in everything: fabric color, dress shapes, etc. Mitchell is being super rude to Ra’Mon. Unless I’m missing something in editing, he seems to be rude for no reason. He’s not being funny, he’s being a jerk. In the middle of the freaking work, the designers get a message from Heidi and the judges: now they’re responsible for making a second complete look. The second look is described as an avant garde look that will compliment the beach look, and just for giggles, another Garnier hairstyle must be created. What a bunch of jerks. At least they get another $200 and 20 minutes to buy more fabric. The only catch is that just one person gets to go to Mood.

It surprises me that Mitchell allowed Ra’Mon to go. Maybe he just wants to have something he can bitch about later. Aaaand Mitchell can’t sew. This is not a shock to me. Spell Check is a moron, and a horrible leader. Tim Gunn enters the room, calling himself the Prophet of Doom. Although I personally get excited every time Tim Gunn appears on my screen, I can understand how the designers might not feel the same way about him. This time he tells Carol-Hannah that her model has an issue (a commercial), and that she can choose a new model if she would like. So she chooses another model, Valerie, who was eliminated previously.

Gordana really doesn’t love their avant garde look, but she seems to be trying to understand and get behind it. Nicholas is kidding that when Mitchell is eliminated, he’ll help pack him up. It’s not the nicest thing to be joking about, and I sort of feel like most humor like that is at least a little based in truth. I don’t think that anybody on this show is going to lose sleep if Mitchell is sent home. It’s not good that, on top of sub-par design skills, he’s also not pleasant. I don’t really care about the hair styling meetings at all. I don’t know why this guy gets air time. Oh yeah! Garnier paid Lifetime a boatload of money! Still don’t care.

I love that Tim’s critique of Spell Check and Epperson’s design is exactly what Epperson has been trying to tell his partner all episode. Sometimes it’s wiser to yield to better taste, regardless of who is the leader. Tim is not enamored of Ra’Mon’s outfit. It doesn’t go with Mitchell’s. Tim’s parting words: “Work like there’s no tomorrow, because for at least one person, there won’t be.” I’m intrigued by the “at least one person,” part. What does Tim know???

Ra’Mon has to completely scrap the jumpsuit, and at this point I’m almost feeling bad for Mitchell. Spell Check is being a cow to Epperson and bringing up things that really don’t matter “I don’t know what kind of woman you’re used to” instead of maybe listening to him. Everybody can see that those two are not getting along well.

Nicholas to Mitchell, “Are you ready to be in the bottom two again today?” Does Mitchell understand how much Nicholas doesn’t like him? Christopher and Logan seem to be getting along very well and are both happy with their looks. With 35 minutes to go, Ra’Mon is still blow-drying the avant garde look, which he’d just dyed in the bathroom. Wow, there are some really cool looks in this room.

Heidi looks great, as usual. The judges today are Max Azria (love his stuff!), Nina Garcia, and Rachel Bilson, who I haven’t seen in anything in like 100 years. She’s still as cute as ever, though. Spell Check and Epperson’s looks are first. I thought that their beach look was great, but the avant garde look did leave something to desired; as Qristyl mentioned, the poor girl’s butt cheeks were hanging out. Oops. Johnny and Irina’s looks were nice. I didn’t love the beach look as much as Johnny did, and neither did Irina. Hmm. Mitchell and Ra’Mon’s beach dress was gorgeous, but I didn’t love the avant garde look at all. I find it sad that I can’t blame it on Mitchell, but I’m pretty sure that was all Ra’Mon.  Shirin and Carol Hannah’s dress was beautiful, and they made a bathing suit to go under it. Overachievers! Their avant garde look was amazing. I liked both of Althea and Louise’s looks, especially the avant garde dress. Nicholas and Gordan’s avant garde look seems kind of crazy, and I didn’t love their first look, either. Logan and Christopher’s beach look sort of look like the model peed the pants, or at least had a stubborn patch of sand directly blew her crotch and on her upper thighs. Unfortunate. Their avant garde piece is ugly.  I can’t believe they love that mess.

Holy crap. Ra’Mon and Mitchell are one of the teams with the highest scores. This is unbelievable. I kind of love how I spent all episode wondering how they were going to explain their partnership when one of them was on the chopping block, only to have both of them be find. Sneaky, sneaky editors! The other team in the top is Johnny and Irina. They get to explain first, and you can see that their collaboration was a positive one. There’s not jockeying for credit when it’s not necessarily due, and they defer to each others parts in making their looks. Ahh. So maybe the Mitchell/Ra’Mon implosion will still occur.

Hahah, Ra’Mon starts to speak and explain what he did, and Heidi wants to hear from Mitchell, since he’s the team leader. It clearly becomes apparent that Ra’Mon did most of the stuff, and that what Mitchell worked on the most (a swimsuit), can’t even be seen. Then Mitchell had to admit that he did almost nothing. Love it! Especially since the previews were edited to make it seem that Ra’Mon hadn’t done anything, and that he was going to be in danger of being kicked off the show because of it.

Then the people with the low scores come in. Spell Check is willing to give Epperson credit for everything, since it tanked, and the two of them are trying to talk about what happened, and they’re not giving each other a chance to explain. It’s pretty hard to watch, and I still hate Qristyl. Nicholas and Gordana’s looks are easier to explain, because they both believed in them, and didn’t have a bad time working together, which showed.

The judges are gaga over Ra’Mon’s avant garde dress, which I still don’t get, but whatever, nobody asked me. They’re trying to figure out how to judge Mitchell, who did relatively little. They loved the backs of Johnny and Irina’s looks. Nicholas’s design ethic was questioned, and they said that he’d have to watch which prints he used, especially with sexier pieces. They decided that Spell Check was weak and Epperson took advantage. Results coming up soon. So I think that Ra’Mon will win and be given immunity. I think that Mitchell might be tossed out. If it’s not Mitchell, it’s probably going to be Spell Check.

I was right. Ra’Mon won! He has immunity for next week. Irina and Johnny are dismissed, as are Nicholas and Gordana. Suddenly the final three are Epperson, Qristyl, and Mitchell. Oh wait, Epperson is dismissed, so now it’s down to Qristyl and Mitchell. How many times can one person screw up on this show and not have to go home because of it? Answer: three. Later, Mitchell.

I forgot to mention that I’m pretty sure the judges know of (or can see) at least some of what happens in the work room. They always seem to pick at least one look made by somebody (or in the case of teams, somebodies) who are flipping out for one reason or the other. That can’t be a coincidence.

Project Runway West

First: Tim Gunn is awesome. He’s so cool, and even when faced with the craziness of some of these designers, he manages to convey both his support and his doubts. I wish that all people could have a Tim Gunn in their life.

I’m really happy that this first challenge was to design for the red carpet, instead of making an outfit out of stuff in the apartment, the clothes off the designers’ backs, trash, or supermarket finds. Those have been done to death. I was concerned when Ari said that she didn’t draw, but only because that made me think of Angela, which is always unfortunate. It’s good to know that the shameless promotion of Mood could continue with the show’s change of venue; for a second there I was worried that the designers would have to go to a Michael’s or A.C. Moore for their silk charmeuse. I don’t know if it was this group of designers, the way the editors spliced the show together, or some combination of the two, but the atmosphere in the workroom seemed pretty good. People were stressed and working hard, but I didn’t see anybody get the side-eye or be on the wrong end of a harsh word. I wonder how long this can last.

It might have annoyed me in episode five or so, but since this was the premiere, I didn’t even mind Johnny’s meltdown. He did have a valid concern, and I think that the other designers were amazingly supportive in a way that one might not have expected, given the newness of their acquaintance. Plus, Tim talked him down from the ledge and he mad it into the top three, so I hope he can carry his confidence forward, because if he does this again, I will not take it as well.

I’m shocked at how happy I was to see Nina Garcia and Michael Kors. Nobody can bitchslap a designer like those two. it was great how excited the designers were when they saw Lindsay Lohan. Nobody is that excited to see her, except for the paparazzi. I feel slightly ashamed at how surprised I was at her coherence. I know she’s not all “Dur, Sam, argh,” all the time, but I still didn’t expect her to speak as well as she did.

There were a few designs that I looooved. Shirin, Louise, Gordana, and Irina’s dresses were super. I liked Ra’Mon and Johnny’s dresses, too, but not as much. I thought that Christopher’s dress was okay, but not amazing. I was surprised that none of the women I mentioned were included in the top three. In fact, the whole top three was men; what’s up with that? I think that it would be interesting if, for one season, the designs came down the runway without the judges knowing who made them. For this to work best, I think the designers would not be able to be in the room, either. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that female designers did better when the judges didn’t know who made things. Plus, this would prevent designers from being pigeonholed as good or bad, and stop people from coasting on past successes or being punished for past disappointments. Blind judging, Project Runway. Think about it. If you use my idea, though, I’d like some credit (and free clothes).

I’m happy that Michael Kors managed to include the phrase “taste level” in the very first show. Is that a record? How can they already be worried about Qristyl’s taste after viewing only one of her designs? Going into the runway show, there were a couple of people who I worried about, but there was so many unfortunate things going on in that room that there wasn’t anybody who was a lock to go home. I was pretty unimpressed with Epperson’s dress. It looked like something that you’d wear to a fancy funeral, if such a thing exists. I’m glad that Mitchell wasn’t sent home. His dress sucked because he was given improper model measurements, not because he’s unable to design well.

I think it was nice that the person who won the first challenge was a non-fashion school graduate, because the nonnies seemed really self-conscious about everybody else knowing stuff they didn’t. I just hope they don’t spend the rest of the season harping on their feelings of inadequacy, because that would not be interesting. Of course, the loser also didn’t go to fashion school (I think!), either, but I don’t think that’s why she had to go. Her outfit was insane, and she knew that, but I think she missed the part where somebody else had to be interested in it, too. I agreed that Ari should go. She definitely had a point of view, but I can’t imagine it ever lining up with the judges’ enough to do her good on this show. And it was nice to hear her say that she learned that one should take risks responsibly; it is wearying to hear rejected contestants go on about how they were misunderstood, without acknowledging that there might have been more to it than that.

Given the fact that this is the first season of Project Runway to be cast using the Bunim-Murray people (of Real World fame), I’m surprised that there were no fist-fights, drunken hookups, or attempts to bond in a conveniently located hot tub. Malvin’s hair kind of pissed me off when I first saw it, but he doesn’t seem obnoxious, so he and his coif have grown on me. I still have zero respect for the spelling of Qristyl’s name, but from here on in, I’ll only have to see it once an episode, so I think I can keep my rage at bay. Plus, she’s on thin ice already, so if she doesn’t straighten up and fly right, she may be going home soon, meaning that I’d have to see her names zero times an episode. This would also be acceptable. The closest I came to being annoyed was with Logan’s “I’m more of a guy’s guy” comment. What did that statement add to my life? Not a thing. Maybe that’s why I thought he was going to be a pain in the ass.

Countdown to Project Runway

After what seems like years of legal wrangling between Lifetime, The Weinstein Company, and NBC Universal , Project Runway’s first season on Lifetime starts tomorrow. I’m really excited, but aside from briefly looking at the photos and bios of the new contestants, I haven’t tried to find out anything about this season. I want to be surprised, and not to hate any of the contestants until the editors have provided me with a reason. I’m starting a new scarf, so I’ll have something else to focus on if the first episode is as underwhelming as PR season openers usually are.