What a woman wants

The fourth week of Project Runway starts with the guys talking about stepping up their game, now that the competition is getting harder. Nicholas says that the talentless people are going to get weeded out. One can only hope.

In Estrogenland, Qristyl is talking about how she is the b-i-t-c-h of the show. And I don’t know why she spelled that out, instead of saying it. Is she trying to protect the virgin ears of the younger designers? I really don’t understand anything about this woman, including how she made it this far. And then Gorgana, who is amazing (AMAZING!), succinctly explains that Spell Check’s troubles started because she didn’t stand up for herself early enough. She responds to this assistance by saying, “Anyway,” and completely ignoring Gordana. B-i-t-c-h!

Everybody’s ready to tackle the newest challenge. Heidi meets them on the runway and tells them that there are 13 women waiting for them in the workroom, and the assignment is to make these women happy. Who are these women? Their models. They’re happy, because they don’t have to sully themselves with the deformed bodies of people with greater than 5% body fat. Whew.

They have a decent amount of time to talk with the models, a good budget, and enough time to shop at Mood, so you know there has to be a catch: this is the first one-day challenge. Johnny, “It’s like designing something for myself, if I was a black girl.” I have no idea how to interpret that statement. Some of these girls have awful taste. It’s refreshing.

Watching the designers shop is informative. I could see them trying to incorporate the wishes of their clients into something that still represents them as designers. Spell Check’s model likes warm colors like brown and black, which of course isn’t Qristyl’s aesthetic, at all.

Althea called a smoking jacket, a cigarette jacket. She’s cute! Christopher’s green is GREEN. Wow. Spell Check’s work is a mess, as usual. Logan is unsure about his garment, and it shows. A lot of people are in trouble! Carol Hannah’s dress is cute on the bottom, but may be too old for the model. Oohh. Epperson calls his family, and cries while thinking about them, talking to them, and then back in the work room. How cute! Wow, I really like everything today. This just won’t do.

Spell Check decides to redo her dress entirely. Althea’s model thinks the dress is matronly, but Althea is like, “Whatever, walking hanger. Less of your opinions, more of my handwork.” Qristyl’s new dress is nice, but she’s not sure whether it’s too simple. For her, that’s probably the point at which she should stop. I doubt she’ll see it that way, though.

Logan keeps walking around shirtless. Please don’t get eliminated, please! He is by far the hottest designer. It’s fun to hear the designers try to be objective about each other’s work, because they’re all really opinionated. I like it when, like Irina, they just say what they think, without offering qualifiers.

Heidi is the only regular judge we have this week. Remember when the judges used to care about Tim Gunn’s input? I know that time was a year and a different network ago, but I miss those days. This week’s replacement judges are (not top) American designer Mark Bouwer; Marie Claire editor Zoe Glassner; and costume designer/celebrity stylist Jennifer Rade. Mark Bouwer’s hair is ridiculous and Jennifer Rade has crazy eyes. Zoe Glassner looks like somebody I could laugh with, and is as adorable here as she was in Running in Heels, a show that I never watched. I can’t even take Bouwer’s opinions seriously, because anybody who chooses to sport hair that tragic is immediately suspect in all other matters of judgment. I would like to know why there have been so many guest judges this season. Are Kors and Garcia getting too expensive or something? I miss them.

Amazingly, I didn’t hate Spell Check’s dress. It’s plain, but the back is kind of cute. I do not love Nicholas’s dress as much as he does, but then again, I never do. If self-confidence translated into judges’ votes, then Nicholas would be a three-time champion already this season. I love Irina’s dress. The pattern is doing a lot of the work for her, but the construction is great, too. I wish that I had Shirin’s dress. It’s lovely and that shade of purple is my favorite color. Logan’s dress looks like a cute prom dress. Epperson’s dress is great. Johnny’s dress is also a little prom-ish. The Queen Anne collar on Louise’s dress is amazing. That reminds me that I have a purple dress with that same neckline that I have yet to wear. Parties, my friends!!! Have more of them.

Althea’s three pieces are ambitious, and could go either way. Ra’Mon’s look is just alright, but he has immunity from last week, so whatever. Carol Hannah’s dress is striking. Wow. Not many of the looks that I love made it to the best of/worst of part of the judging. Sorry, Irina and Louise. I hope that your consistently excellent work will be recognized at some point during this season.

Carol Hannah is one of the goods. She says “y’all” and utterly charms Heidi. The key word when judging Logan is “prom.” So I wasn’t alone on that. Also, and this is a direct quote from Jennifer Rade, another one of the guest judges, “You’re really cute, and I like your pants and your sneakers.” You thought I was being shallow before, but I know how this show works! Logan good-naturedly says that he hopes that that factors into the judging. Epperson’s dress is also one of the good looks. I’m glad he was able to rebound from last week. Mark Bouwer thinks the dress is great, and Heidi likes it too, but thinks that the model’s girls should have been hoisted. She then concedes that that might be a product of having modeled for Victoria’s Secret for so long: everything always has to be perky. Johnny is one of the bad looks and one of the judges utters the word “bridesmaid.” Ouch, but I can see it. Qristyl is getting crap for the safety of her choice. Still, it’s better than anything else she’s produced so far during this show.  Her model says that she really likes the dress, which the judges think ages her, but then Jen Rade slams that door quickly by pointing out that the model is a model, and isn’t a designer. I don’t think any of the “no” looks onstage right now is awful, but it has to be Qristyl who goes home. Like Mitchell before her, she’s just appeared too many times in the bottom three. I think that Althea is going to win this one, although the more I think about it, the better I like Carol Hannah’s dress.

Judging: Epperson touches hands with Qristyl as he leaves the stage, and I’m glad to see that their bad blood from last week is cleared before Qristyl has to pack up. Oops! I’m just guessing here, folks, but all signs point to a better-spelled future for this season of Project Runway.  Althea is named the winner and is greeted backstage with sincere hugs and smiles. Carol Hannah and Johnny are told they can leave, so it’s either the bad designer or the hot dude who has to go home.

Gee, what do you know? Qristyl has to go home. Later, Spell Check! As Logan leaves the stage, he tries to give her a pat, which she turns into a hug. He breaks free as soon as humanly possible, as if her crappy design skills are catching. Like every other person who has been kicked off this show, Qristyl KNOWS THAT SHE’S A GREAT DESIGNER, and she has SO MUCH MORE TO SHOW THE WORLD, which she DIDN’T GET THE CHANCE to do, because she was definitely SENT HOME TOO SOON. Did I cover all the cliches? Just how many more chances would she have needed to mess up before this mythical wowing would have taken place? I fear that the average human life cycle does not contain the necessary number of weeks. Anyway, we no longer have to care about Spell Check, because we will not see her again until the reunion show, by which time I almost certainly will have forgotten her. I love reading my old reviews from last season, and realizing that if I passed almost any of the designers from last season, take Keith for example, while walking down the street, I would maybe find his face familiar but not recognize him at all.