Missoni! For Target!!

I’ve been a fan of Missoni’s look for several years now. I’d never heard of this design company prior to seeing Amber Tablyn in this dress:

So interesting! So expensive!

but after that, I just knew that Missoni and I were destined for one another. Unfortunately, that dress cost more than the balance on some of my student loans, so I resigned myself to admiring Missoni from afar. Fast forward several years to the present, wherein Missoni are producing a line for Target. Hallelujah! Alas,  I have to admit, I don’t love everything.

This patio set looks un!comfortable!

I am, however, a fan of the following:

Assuming that I don’t get mowed down by other Missoni fans when I go to Target to get something, starting on September 13, I will be able to realize my dream of having something by Missoni in my closet. Yippee!

Not even for irony’s sake would I knit these

Vogue Knitting Magazine is having a sale on all of their patterns, which is kind of awesome. There are lots of pretty things that I’d love to knit if I had unlimited time and an endless yarn budget. Here are some patterns that I like:

Then there are things that I would have to be already dead to be seen in.

Why????

You shouldn’t be able to wear Louboutins until you can legally drink

I think it’s pretty hilarious and awesome that Selena Gomez (who?) wouldn’t take off her high heels when my favorite building-exiter ever, Justin Bieber, asked her to, but my rah rah girlpower mood was kind of killed when I realized that she’s wearing ~$700 shoes in the accompanying picture. I’m not wishing an excess of teenage angst or even acne on the kid, but seriously? Let the grown-ups handle the designer footwear, kiddo.

Sometimes it pays to have bad taste

This unattractive King James pendant, which a LeBron James fan bought at a yard sale for $5.00, is actually worth $10,000. Do you feel sick now? I know I do.

I hear that yard sales are fun, I’m going to start attending them. My plan is to stick closely to the costume jewelry section.

Update: Was the pendant stolen?

Derelicte lives

I recently saw Zoolander again for the first time in ages. I was really surprised by how much I enjoyed it; sometimes, after not having seen a movie in a long time, you realize that it wasn’t as good as you remembered. That wasn’t the case in this situation, which is good, because I have a lot of good memories of watching and quoting Zoolander with my brother.

One of the most awesomely far-fetched parts of it was Mugatu’s line of clothing, Derelicte. It was homeless chic, where they went straight for the homeless look and abandoned chic altogether. At least, I thought it was far-fetched. Fast forward to Vivienne Westwood’s new menswear line, which looks like it should be named “Derelicte 2.0: Now With More Dirt.”

I found this image on Jezebel, and you can read the rest of their post on this subject.

The Sky is the Limit

Every week, I watch Project Runway later and later. It used to be that on Thursdays, when it aired, I would give my Tivo a twenty minute head start and then start to watch. Then I began to watch on Fridays. Then it was Saturday, then Sunday. It’s now Monday, and I’m just now getting around to watching last week’s episode. Let’s face it: this season is not exciting. I’m not looking for manufactured drama, but these people are seriously killing my will to watch this show. I am so bored, that I am not even going to stop knitting while watching. So there, Project Runway!!!! This is going to be exactly like all of my other musings about Project Runway, except five hundred words shorter.

Observations: the guys are dropping like flies. Usually the women get picked off early and often, but that pattern hasn’t held up this season.

This week’s challenge, according to Heidi, is colorful. The designers meet Tim Gunn and Martine, some Macy’s shill, in the workroom, and are told that they’ll be working with the color blue. This is a one-day, team challenge. The winner gets to design a holiday dress that will be sold at Macy’s (but each team is presenting two designs, neither of which is said holiday dress). Also, teams??? What did I say before about manufactured drama? Anyway, each of the remaining 10 designers will sketch something, and Martine the Macy’s lady will choose the designers of her five favorites.

The  team leaders are Irina, Althea (a two-time team leader, and probably the only person in the history of this program who has ever enjoyed team challenges), Carol Hannah, Christopher, and Louise. Althea gets to pick her partner first, and she chooses Logan. I wonder how Carol Hannah feels about that. Christopher chooses Epperson, Louise chooses Nicolas (who has immunity), Irina lets the remaining two people choose who wants to work with her, and Gordana says she will first, so Carol Hannah and Shirin end up being a team. Shirin had such promise in the beginning, and seems to have faded; also, her maniacal chatter, which was highlighted in the last episode, can not have endeared her to the others.

The teams have 20 minutes and $100 to spend at Mood, and because of how huge it would be to have a dress at Macy’s, the winner will not get immunity. I loves those kinds of challenges! Nobody gets to coast next week. Haha! Louise almost loses the money while at Mood. She says that she loses her head when she’s in the thick of a challenge.

I can’t decide what is more entertaining: the teams that start to implode almost immediately (Louise and Nicolas, who starts talking smack about her soon after returning to the workroom), or those that experience slow meltdowns (Irina and Gordana). Notes: Nicolas really really really hates ruffles. Irina is such a good underminer. Do the other contestants know how evil she is? I can’t tell. Christopher feels that he and Epperson are the team to beat.

I love Gordana, but I kind of want to see somebody “as they say, throw [her] on the bus.” If only she knew how supportive that action would be.

Heidi greets the designers on the runway, looking as though she popped in on her way to bed. There’s nothing right about her outfit. I think her jeans are acid washed, but I want to keep respecting her, so I’m not going to look too closely. Sometimes I think the wardrobe people on this show are just messing with the contestants like, “See? When you’ve been in this industry for a while, you can make celebrities wear anything, no matter how awful.” If you think about it hard enough, it’s kind of inspiring.

The judges are Top American Designer, Michael Kors, who I’ve missed; Zanna Roberts, the adorable senior fashion editor of Marie Claire; and Martine. One of the designers will be named the winner, and one or more them will be out. Interesting. Evil Irina’s dress is lovely, but Gordana’s look is not as interesting to me. Althea and Logan’s first model comes out looking kind of h0-ish, especially because the slit at the back keeps growing as she walks along the runway. Awkward. The second look is okay, but nothing special. Louise’s looks are not remarkable, but Nicolas hates them. Carol Hannah’s two looks are super, although, like Tim Gunn, the less I say about leggings, the better. Christopher and Epperson’s shirt dress is okay, but their second look is slightly old-maidish. When the scores are tallied, Althea and Logan are told that their scores are high enough to send them into the next round. Really? I can’t believe that the traveling slit wasn’t even mentioned. How’d Kors let that one go without even a comment? Maybe he’s taken up meditation in all the spare time he has from not appearing in any previous episodes of this show this season. Heidi tells Louise and Nicolas and Christopher and Epperson that their two teams have the lowest scores. I am a horrible person for finding the latter twosome’s expressions of disbelief so hilarious.

The teams with the highest scores get to hang out onstage while the losers slink away. Shirin and Carol Hannah are all sweetness and light, and the judges love their looks’ necklines. Evil Irina and Gordana’s looks get raves, but Heidi, smelling blood, asks them how it was to work together. Gordana tries to be diplomatic, but The Evil One says that Gordana’s shyness was a bit obnoxious, and she could have taken a more active role.

Then the other two teams come back out on the runway. The Heidi keeps saying “one, or more of you, will be out,” makes me hope that she takes somebody from each team. If that’s the case, we can say goodbye right now to Louise and Epperson. Later, kids! Much like Nicolas, the judges are not enamored of Louise’s ruffles. I wonder if he would have tried harder to change her mind or insert more of himself in their outfits if he didn’t have immunity this week. Heidi is baffled by the neckline of Christopher and Epperson’s shirt, and talking about that for approximately five seconds makes Christopher cry. The judges are also not sure why anybody would make a shiny shirt dress. Cosigned. Christopher sobs some more. Awww. This is actually a little heartbreaking.

Irina is named the winner. Evil has triumphed once again. Completely surprising me, Epperson is the first of the bottom-dwellers to be retained. Seriously? That guy has like nine lives or something. Also, he should never again work with anybody, ever, on anything. For real. I am suddenly afraid for Christopher, because it’s just him and Louise left onstage. Heidi says that Louise’s looks resemble “bad, overworked bridesmaids dresses.” Ouch. And yes. She tells Christopher that the only thing his items have in common is how clueless they are. Damn, Heidi. I would hate to hear this woman discipline her children. Christopher starts to cry again when he’s told that he’s in. I’m happy that he lives to design another day. That means, of course, that Louise is out. Like Shirin, who seems to have found some of her focus again this episode (or maybe just borrowed some from Carol Hannah), Louise started off excellently and degenerated noticeably throughout the competition. The Tivo cut off before the previews came, and I’m too lazy too google, so we shall find out next week’s challege…next week.

Until then.

Lights, Camera, Sew!

It took me a few days to get to this week’s Project Runway. Apologies!

This episode starts of with some of the male contestants talking, both amongst themselves and individually in the interview room. Ra’mon observes that the apartment is quieter with both Malvin and Johnny gone, and interviews that he feels that things are more competitive now that Johnny is has been sent packing. This is undoubtedly true. Johnny was dead weight. Then Nicolas speaks that reality tv show cliche about not being on Project Runway to make friends. No. Duh. I can’t even imagine how needy a designer would have to be to want to leave the competition not with an impeccable reputation or $100,000 to start an eponymous fashion line, but with a new BFF or two. Probably the only contestant to ever have had this goal is Elisa.

Poor, awesome Gordana has had her confidence shaken by being in the bottom three last week. I hope she ends up bouncing back in a big way. This week’s challenge involves designing for film. The designers get to take a field trip to a sound stage, where they find Tim Gunn and Collier Strong (L’oreal makeup dude). Tim tells them that they are going to be selecting a genre of film, creating a character in that genre, and making a costume for her. Yikes. The potential for disaster already has me sitting up straighter. The genres from which they get to choose are action/adventure, film noir, science fiction, period piece, and Western. The obvious American slant to this challenge worries Gordana.

Irina, having won last week, gets to choose first. She selects film noir. The remaining categories are chosen by the other designers, with each category having two entrants, and order being determined by Tim picking names out of his trusty black velvet bag. At the end of it Louise (of course) and Althea also choose film noir; Ra’Mon and Nicolas pick science fiction; Christopher and Gordana are designing for period pieces; the two action/adventure designers are Logan and Carol Hannah; nobody chooses Westerns, but there are two designers left, so Shirin and Epperson end up with that genre. They do not find this to be awesome.

At each workspace is a dossier that outlines the particulars of the designer’s selected (or assigned) genre. Lifetime stopped being so freaking cheap on this one, so the budget is $150. They must be big fans of the axiom “time is money,” though, because deadline is midnight. You can’t have everything, I guess. The designers are all ready to plotz. While sketching, Shirin and Epperson seem to be completely lost, although both are reaching for something that is both Western in aesthetic and not horrible.

Cutie pie Logan says that Carol Hannah is the only female designer with whom he has really connected. He likes to talk to her and the camera shows them palling around. CH is less than stoked by the fact that Logan’s table is right next to hers, because he’s hot, and hotness is totally distracting. I hear you, CH. Ra’Mon is worrying me with his excitement over this challenge. It always seems that the people who are happiest with the assignment and are the most certain that things are going to go well are the ones who end up in the bottom three. I have no idea how this episode ends, but am preemptively concerned for Ra’Mon.

The designers go to Mood, where they have 30 minutes to spend their money. A lot of them are looking at fabric that ends up being too expensive for them. I feel like we haven’t seen a lot of that, but maybe it’s just because my eyes sometimes glaze over during Mood scenes.

Louise seems convinced that somebody has taken her bobbin, while Gordana is looking for a pair of pink scissors. Both ask if anybody knows about the items that are missing, but nobody really answers either one of them. Nicolas explains the story behind his character. It is bizarre and incomprehensible. I am falling back in love with him. Ra’Mon, on the other hand, uses the words “jumpsuit” and “human-alien hybrid” in the same sentence. There is no way to avoid being concerned. With nothing more than that description to go on, I am placing Ra’Mon in the bottom two.

Louise again asks if anybody has seen or taken her bobbin. I think this is the third time. Is sabotage happening? If it is, nobody has owned up to it. Nicolas finds it worrisome that Louise has not developed a specific character to dress in her design. More workroom. Gordana is sewing some beaded thingamabob that I thought was a multi-legged animal the first time I saw it on the screen.

Tim comes to check in on everybody. He does not seem convinced by Gordana’s dress. Irina takes a moment to doubt whether Gordana belongs with the rest of them in the competition. If this goes like the last time, I guess that would mean that Gordana is going to win this challenge. Tim likes Christopher’s bustle, but says that the lack of long sleeves is all wrong for the period. Tim seems to like Epperson’s look, which makes me happy. He tells Ra’Mon that his outfit could be sublime, or it could be “a big hot mess.” We all know which camp I’m guessing this ends up in.

Tim next goes to Louise’s station. She explains her look, which sounds as lovely as her previous work, but he just lays it out there for her: her subtle details are lost on the runway, and don’t come across as well as more dramatic touches. Nicolas is designing for a villain, who he is putting in white. Tim finds this interesting, but thinks that overall outfit is too safe. Before he leaves the workroom, Tim encourages everybody to look around as determine where they stand, based on the looks that everybody else is designing. He might as well have added “RA’MON!!!” at the end of that, because you know that’s who he was talking to.

The models come in for fittings and makeup consultations. I don’t feel that I see a huge difference in the quality of the makeup when there is a separate consultation and when they just work it out on the day of the runway show. Ra’Mon puts his model in the jumpsuit and comes to the same conclusion that any sane person would have arrived at upon merely hearing about his idea: he is in big big trouble. He thinks his jumpsuit is looking a little Kermit the Frog, and that it won’t work. He has two hours to go before the end of the day. Big deal, right? He made a whole outfit in like 35 minutes that one time. Whatever you do, Ra’Mon, don’t pull a Johnny. Say no to the crossword.

Last minute running around. People are freaking out about the amped up competition, and Louise stabs herself in the finger nail with the sewing machine. Ick! The next day dawns, and a lot of people have a significant amount of work to do. Everybody’s in a tizzy, and then it’s off to the runway!

Heidi comes out looking all lovely and sparkly. The judges this week are American designer John Varvatos, Oscar-winning costume designer Arianne Phillips, and Zoe Glassner, who by this point is practically a series regular. Harrumph. Bring back Jen Rade, already. There is not enough bitchery in my life. Irina’s beautiful dress comes out first. It looks way better on the model than it did on the dress form. Carol Hannah’s action/adventure outfit is sexy and fun. Shirin’s saloon-girl look is cute, but I don’t love it. Christopher’s period piece is pretty, and looks like haute couture. He didn’t add sleeves, and I wonder if the judges will give him crap for that. Nicolas’s white sci-fi look is beautiful. Althea’s dress is just gorgeous, but there seems to be entirely too much cleavage to be a believable film noir look.

Ra’Mon’s dress looks like who did it and ran (TM my Very Southern Mother), but the costume designer smiles as it goes down the runway, so maybe he has a shot at coming back next week. Louise’s dress is cute, but it’s Epperson’s beautifully ruffled Western dress that steals the show. Gordana’s model rocks her 20s-era dress well. Logan’s black leather outfit ends up looking to me like a retread of Carol Hannah’s.

The judges are not in love with Gordana’s dress. Again, they do not fault her technique, but think the overall look is lacking. The designers love Nicolas’s dress, and compliment him on clearly conveying exactly what he intended to. Not so lucky is Louise, whose dress is called confused and not great. Poor Louise. Her previously excellent work didn’t get noticed, and now this gets her put in the bottom three. She sort of alludes to that when she thanks them (nicely, I think) for finally noticing her at all, and taking the time to provide her with feedback. The judges love love love Christopher’s dress. Ra’Mon’s mess is next. I have to pause here, because I know this is going to break my heart a little. He was so into this challenge and threw himself headlong into it, so seeing how he’s failed makes me sad. I know it’s the nature of this show, but still. They like his story, but not the execution. Between the three people in the bottom, I do not see how Ra’Mon could possibly avoid going home; nobody else bombed this week. The judges love Epperson’s design.

So I think that Epperson is going to win (long shot: Nicolas), and Ra’Mon is going to lose (no long shot, he’s definitely going home).

So Nicolas does win. Good for him. He has immunity for the next challenge. The amazing thing is that, if you look closely, you can actually see his ego grow as he preens in his interview. Fascinating. To the surprise of absolutely nobody, poor Ra’Mon is out. Sad face here! Louise sobs as she leaves the runway.  Everybody is much sadder this week and all manage not to slag off Ra’Mon while he’s cleaning his workspace.

Yay! I almost never watch previews, but I just saw that Michael Kors is going to be on next week’s episode. Yay!

Fashion Headlines

Week 5 of Project Runway opens in the apartment that Qristyl left. The remaining residents mention how it’s now quieter. I am not surprised about that. Then, in another apartment, Johnny starts to emote about being in the bottom three last week. He never wants to be there again!! Really? Why ever not, Johnny? I guess that stating the completely obvious is part and parcel of reality television, and it gives me something to laugh at, but jeez, people. Anyway, then Althea says that she doesn’t want the judges to think that her win was a fluke. I’ve liked pretty much everything she’s done so far and she hasn’t been in danger before, so I think that if she can going in the same direction and avoid allowing the stress to get to her, she’ll be okay.

Irina is a total bitch. Last week she said that Althea’s design looked like crap, and then Althea won. Handily. So it looks like Irina’s comments were based less in reality and more in jealousy. Hey, that’s cool with me. We haven’t had a genuinely bitchy female contestant since Wendy Pepper (Kenley was more petulant than evil). So when does everybody else find out about Irina? Because I think they don’t know yet. Her evilness, combined with the generally beautiful clothes that she makes, might carry her a long way in this competition.

And then Nicholas says that Johnny and Irina don’t belong, and that, really, nobody else does, because he’s obviously going to win. Nicholas, who I passed on the street on Wednesday! Shut up, it was exciting. I am going to mention this at least once more. On the Runway, Heidi once again comes out looking a million times better than any of the models will this entire episode. For them, being around her must induce one part inspiration and two parts despair. Okay, so the designers are going on another field trip and Heidi says that the answers will be in black and white. Answers? What was the question? I don’t know why they’re always so excited about this. These things never end well. Anyway, the black and white clue, combined with the episode title “Fashion Headlines,” makes me worry about whether the designers will have to talk to and then design for journalists. And then they end up at the LA Times. Oh my goodness. They are so puzzled. They are introduced to the paper’s fashion editor, and their eyes glaze over a bit until they’re told that they’re going to be working with actual newspaper. Then they are all like, “AAAAAHHHH”! I love it!

They’re allowed to take all the paper they can carry. Some of these designers are not big people, so that could be a problem, but Evil Irina wonders why everybody else is taking so much paper: “They’re dressing a human, not an elephant,” so maybe that’s not the biggest deal. The designers can use paint and glue, and they can have a muslin base to their garment, although it can’t show. Then Tim Gunn gives everybody a bit of education about paper clothing. I love Tim Gunn. He’s such a teacher.

One by one, the designers are freaking out about different aspects of the challenge: Althea doesn’t know how paper drapes; Carol Hannah has to dye the sheets first so they’ll dry, but she doesn’t like the color she’s getting; Nicholas is like, “huh, paper?” and fears he’ll end up going home. Irina’s idea is to make the paper look like fabric. This is either a great idea or a horrible one. Shirin’s dress is pretty cute; she’s using shellac to do the bodice and is talking a mile a minute. There are reaction shots showing the other designers’ faces when she talks. Logan says that he’s never met a small woman who made so much noise. I think Shirin must be one of those people who you either find adorable or annoying. I think she’s cute, but I’ve also never tried to work with her blathering behind me. Nicholas, who is the same age as Shirin, says that she makes him feel so old, and is complete baffled by her babbling.

Johnny loves his dress, which is going to be like large scale origami and painted red, and Nicholas hates it: “This is just some wrinkled paper with pig’s blood all over it.” Oh yeah, he went there with a Carrie reference. I don’t know why, but Nicholas is totally growing on me. He’s just so over everybody on this show and unlike some people (IRINA), his comments don’t seem rooted in envy.

Ra’Mon is excited by being able to use paper. Louise (love her!), is making a headline dress. She might be the only person who is not seeking to transform the newspaper into something else. Tim visits the room, starting with Gordana. She was going to do two items, a boring dress with something about change written on it, and then a stunning piece with dyed newspaper folded into cool shapes and shaped like a fabric dress. Tim loves this one, because there’s no fabric foundation, and tells her to ditch the other one entirely. “What a great way to start!”

Althea says the words “shoulder pads” and I get really worried. I think that Tim is disappointed, too, because he reminds her that she has immunity, and therefore can do whatever she wants. He confirms this by saying that he’s disappointed and that she should look at the paper upside down, to see abstract shapes and not so much just newsprint. Then it’s over to Irina’s workstation. She has made a dress, but doesn’t like the way it hangs. She considers doing a coat with a muslin backing, and Tim reminds her of the paper raincoat of 1968 (remember that old thing?), which was not backed by muslin.

Then Tim strolls over to Johnny, and has to break it to him: that dress is not awesome. It is not classy, it will not will be anything but a one-way ticket home. But Johnny’s sensitive and such, so Tim just encapsulates all that by saying it looks like a craft project, or that a bunch of kindergartners did it. Tim Gunn is saying that I, or perhaps Satanski, could make this dress. If you knew my nephew, or about my attempts at any craft not called knitting, you’d understand how much of an insult this really is. Johnny tries to explain that it’s like the birds at the top are holding up the dress, and Tim says it looks more like the birds attacked the dress. The other designers laugh, because this is true, and also because they hate Johnny. Johnny, you must know that when Tim has said that it looks like a gang of small children could have made your garment, no amount of explaining is going to get him to like it. Then Johnny interviews that his reaction was “Ouch” and he’ll be starting something else, with 4.5 hours to go before the end of the day.

Nicholas and Tim have a boring conversation about Nicholas’s work, but the word “craft” does not come up in their brief discussion, so I think that we can all agree that that went better than the confab with Johnny. Then it’s Christopher’s turn. He says that he wants a showstopper, and Tim seems really impressed by the idea. So much so that Tim cuts short the discussion so that Christopher can continue work on his dress. I know that Tim must have met with all of the other designers, too, but those meeting aren’t shown. I guess we know who won’t be in the top and bottom of the pack.

Johnny starts over again and lays out the squares he’ll need for his new design. Irina says that she was inspired by Tim, and will  construct a coat entirely out of paper (without muslin) now that she knows it can be done. Nicholas’s says that his dress is inspired by the 90s’ punk rock club scene. Althea’s dress looks really pretty. Johnny is no longer sure what he’s doing, which is probably the smartest thing he’s said all series. The model come in and are in love with the idea of garments made out of newspaper; they all seem blown away by what the designers have done. Shirin’s dress is heavy, and will also be strapless. The potential for disaster is intriguing.

Oh my goodness, will they please kick Johnny off the show? By now, it’s clear that pathetic is his default mode, and I don’t want to deal with it anymore. Sack up, man! He tells his model that he made another dress, because he had an incident with a steamer and the paper in his first dress started to split. In an interview, Nicholas calls shenanigans, saying that there isn’t even a steamer in the sewing room that day. Shirin baldly says, “Johnny made up this lie.” With two hours to work before that day’s deadline and his second awful dress on the form, Johnny sits down and does a crossword puzzle. This has shades of Mitchell’s bouncing around the workroom, and we all know how that worked out for him. And Johnny doesn’t even have a competent designer doing all of his work for him!

At the apartment later, he tells the same story to Ra’Mon, whose reaction I can’t gauge. In another apartment, male and female designers are sitting around and laughing at the ridiculousness that is Johnny. Now we’re on the next day. Epperson says about Johnny, “He’s still here for a reason.” At first I worry that Epperson is going to go all Magical Negro on them, but then he pulls out the awesome with his explanation: ” Comic relief.”

The designers have two hours to get everything done and prepare for the runway show. Johnny, who was doing the freaking crossword the night before, now complains that he doesn’t have the time to carry out his vision. From one procrastinator to another, it must be said: “Johnny, you have nobody to blame but yourself.” Althea and Ra’Mon don’t think that Irina’s coat, which is shaped newsprint, fits in with the amount of work that everybody else has done, and they are totally obvious and bitchy about discussing it. First Epperson, now Althea? Everybody’s getting meaner. Gordana is in love with her dress, and I don’t blame her at all. Nicholas hopes that the judges tear Johnny apart for his dress, which Johnny call’s Nicholas’s design stupid. Meow, these two really do not like one another.

And now for the runway show! Joining Heidi as judges are Tommy Hilfiger, Zoe Glassner again, and Eva Longoria Parker. Whatever Eva. I want Jen Rade to come back. Logan’s dress is super cute. It’s Asian-inspired and I love the blue on white. Christopher’s dress moves well, but I’m not seeing the wow factor that he said he was going for. Ra’Mon’s two pieces are adorable. Epperson’s dress is very costume-y. Make it a 3x, and I could totally see Chris March in it. Johnny is explaining away his short, boring dress in his voice-over; this is not a good sign. Gordana’s dress looks great on the runway and you can’t even tell it’s paper. In my opinion, Carol Hannah’s gown is more of a showstopper than Christopher’s. The skirt of Shirin’s dress actually reminds me of the skirts on Leanne Marshall’s final collection. Different medium, I know, but it’s the first thing that came to mind. Of course, this means that this strapless dress is totally cute. Although she’s sort of evil, I have to say that I love Irina’s coat. Whoa, Althea’s dress is gorgeous! I’m not in love with Louise’s dress. The skirt popped up in the sort of peek-a-boo that no woman wants to see in her skirt.

Christopher, Nicholas, Johnny, Irina, Althea, and Gordana are asked to remain onstage. Carol Hannah, you were robbed! The judges are crazy about Althea’s dress. Gordana’s dress is so nice, but so obviously made to look not like paper, that the judges are a bit bored by it. Irina’s coat wins raves, although Tommy Hilfiger does not love the visible tape at the back or the length. And then it’s Johnny’s turn! Wait, let me get some popcorn.

Okay, I’m back. Heidi asks how much time he spent on the dress. He tells the steamer lie again, and says that he didn’t have a lot of time to work on this dress. He does not mention the crossword puzzle. Heidi tells him that the short dress, combined with the aggressive hair, makeup, and red heels, made his model look like a prosiitute.  The best part of this exchange my realization that this interpretation of his look absolutely never occurred to him before Heidi said it. Zoe Glassner inexplicably likes his design. For real, bring back Jen Rade. Johnny lies about the awesomeness of his previous garment, saying that it was like a Dior, and Nicholas shakes his head. Heidi asks why, and he describes the original dress as “a red mess.” Johnny says a sarcastic thanks, but really, why lie about something that everybody else saw? Earlier he admitted that the dress hadn’t been as awesome as he thought it was, so why would he bother to make up the Dior/steamer story in the first place? I don’t get it. Nicholas explains that it was the bird remark from Tim, not a steamer accident, that prompted Johnny to change designs. Johnny says that Nicholas threw him under the bus and calls him a jerk. Tension!

The judges then move onto asking Nicholas about his own work. He doesn’t fare much better than Johnny, when he explains his punk club kid inspiration. They’re not seeing it. Zoe says it looks like an insect. Suddenly Nicholas vs Johnny has become a million times more interesting. Christopher is the final designer in the top three. He explains his inspiration to the judges, and I guess they get him better than I do, because they love his dress. The designers leave the stage and the judges get down to discussing stuff.

The highlights: Christopher has taken a risk! Althea has shaped her dress beautifully! Irina’s coat is dramatic without being gimicky. Now for the bad. I understand that, in the interest of symmetry, there needs to be three people in the bottom, but I don’t for a second believe that Gordana is in any danger. Her only problem is that she has made a paper dress that too-convincingly mimics fabric. The judges agree with me on this, and move on from her pretty quickly. The judges don’t get Nicholas’s dress or its construction, and don’t see anything punk about it. With Johnny, the truthfulness of his story is called into question, and they talk about the underwhelming nature of his dress.

Predictions: Althea or Irina will win. I think that Johnny will be the one sent home.

We move onto the results. Yay! Irina won. A good villain can only stick around if he or she wins sometimes. I wonder if this will help with that jealousy problem. I love how she says that this victory is overdue. Also, assuming he makes it to next week, I trust this will stop Nicholas from putting her on his list of people who will be going home sooner rather than later. Althea and Gordana are dismissed from the stage. The final countdown music plays, and then Nicholas is told that he’s in. Later, Johnny! If you’d put more effort into this, I’d feel worse about you being sent home. The nugget of wisdom that he chooses to share with us? “There’s something bigger on the horizon for me.” Unless we’re talking about a looming relapse, I really doubt it.

Backstage, the lie that Johnny told on the runway forces Tim out of his usual zen state; he actually start talking about Johnny while the man is still cleaning his workspace. Cold! Designers of America, let that be a lesson: you do not mess with Tim Gunn!!! I really don’t get it. How did Johnny think that he’d get away with that kind of lie? This is a competition, not summer camp; no other designer was going to keep quiet about that kind of fiction at the expense of his or her own chances.

Hands down, this was the best episode of the season, and sure to please those who said there wasn’t enough drama or challenge happening.

What a woman wants

The fourth week of Project Runway starts with the guys talking about stepping up their game, now that the competition is getting harder. Nicholas says that the talentless people are going to get weeded out. One can only hope.

In Estrogenland, Qristyl is talking about how she is the b-i-t-c-h of the show. And I don’t know why she spelled that out, instead of saying it. Is she trying to protect the virgin ears of the younger designers? I really don’t understand anything about this woman, including how she made it this far. And then Gorgana, who is amazing (AMAZING!), succinctly explains that Spell Check’s troubles started because she didn’t stand up for herself early enough. She responds to this assistance by saying, “Anyway,” and completely ignoring Gordana. B-i-t-c-h!

Everybody’s ready to tackle the newest challenge. Heidi meets them on the runway and tells them that there are 13 women waiting for them in the workroom, and the assignment is to make these women happy. Who are these women? Their models. They’re happy, because they don’t have to sully themselves with the deformed bodies of people with greater than 5% body fat. Whew.

They have a decent amount of time to talk with the models, a good budget, and enough time to shop at Mood, so you know there has to be a catch: this is the first one-day challenge. Johnny, “It’s like designing something for myself, if I was a black girl.” I have no idea how to interpret that statement. Some of these girls have awful taste. It’s refreshing.

Watching the designers shop is informative. I could see them trying to incorporate the wishes of their clients into something that still represents them as designers. Spell Check’s model likes warm colors like brown and black, which of course isn’t Qristyl’s aesthetic, at all.

Althea called a smoking jacket, a cigarette jacket. She’s cute! Christopher’s green is GREEN. Wow. Spell Check’s work is a mess, as usual. Logan is unsure about his garment, and it shows. A lot of people are in trouble! Carol Hannah’s dress is cute on the bottom, but may be too old for the model. Oohh. Epperson calls his family, and cries while thinking about them, talking to them, and then back in the work room. How cute! Wow, I really like everything today. This just won’t do.

Spell Check decides to redo her dress entirely. Althea’s model thinks the dress is matronly, but Althea is like, “Whatever, walking hanger. Less of your opinions, more of my handwork.” Qristyl’s new dress is nice, but she’s not sure whether it’s too simple. For her, that’s probably the point at which she should stop. I doubt she’ll see it that way, though.

Logan keeps walking around shirtless. Please don’t get eliminated, please! He is by far the hottest designer. It’s fun to hear the designers try to be objective about each other’s work, because they’re all really opinionated. I like it when, like Irina, they just say what they think, without offering qualifiers.

Heidi is the only regular judge we have this week. Remember when the judges used to care about Tim Gunn’s input? I know that time was a year and a different network ago, but I miss those days. This week’s replacement judges are (not top) American designer Mark Bouwer; Marie Claire editor Zoe Glassner; and costume designer/celebrity stylist Jennifer Rade. Mark Bouwer’s hair is ridiculous and Jennifer Rade has crazy eyes. Zoe Glassner looks like somebody I could laugh with, and is as adorable here as she was in Running in Heels, a show that I never watched. I can’t even take Bouwer’s opinions seriously, because anybody who chooses to sport hair that tragic is immediately suspect in all other matters of judgment. I would like to know why there have been so many guest judges this season. Are Kors and Garcia getting too expensive or something? I miss them.

Amazingly, I didn’t hate Spell Check’s dress. It’s plain, but the back is kind of cute. I do not love Nicholas’s dress as much as he does, but then again, I never do. If self-confidence translated into judges’ votes, then Nicholas would be a three-time champion already this season. I love Irina’s dress. The pattern is doing a lot of the work for her, but the construction is great, too. I wish that I had Shirin’s dress. It’s lovely and that shade of purple is my favorite color. Logan’s dress looks like a cute prom dress. Epperson’s dress is great. Johnny’s dress is also a little prom-ish. The Queen Anne collar on Louise’s dress is amazing. That reminds me that I have a purple dress with that same neckline that I have yet to wear. Parties, my friends!!! Have more of them.

Althea’s three pieces are ambitious, and could go either way. Ra’Mon’s look is just alright, but he has immunity from last week, so whatever. Carol Hannah’s dress is striking. Wow. Not many of the looks that I love made it to the best of/worst of part of the judging. Sorry, Irina and Louise. I hope that your consistently excellent work will be recognized at some point during this season.

Carol Hannah is one of the goods. She says “y’all” and utterly charms Heidi. The key word when judging Logan is “prom.” So I wasn’t alone on that. Also, and this is a direct quote from Jennifer Rade, another one of the guest judges, “You’re really cute, and I like your pants and your sneakers.” You thought I was being shallow before, but I know how this show works! Logan good-naturedly says that he hopes that that factors into the judging. Epperson’s dress is also one of the good looks. I’m glad he was able to rebound from last week. Mark Bouwer thinks the dress is great, and Heidi likes it too, but thinks that the model’s girls should have been hoisted. She then concedes that that might be a product of having modeled for Victoria’s Secret for so long: everything always has to be perky. Johnny is one of the bad looks and one of the judges utters the word “bridesmaid.” Ouch, but I can see it. Qristyl is getting crap for the safety of her choice. Still, it’s better than anything else she’s produced so far during this show.  Her model says that she really likes the dress, which the judges think ages her, but then Jen Rade slams that door quickly by pointing out that the model is a model, and isn’t a designer. I don’t think any of the “no” looks onstage right now is awful, but it has to be Qristyl who goes home. Like Mitchell before her, she’s just appeared too many times in the bottom three. I think that Althea is going to win this one, although the more I think about it, the better I like Carol Hannah’s dress.

Judging: Epperson touches hands with Qristyl as he leaves the stage, and I’m glad to see that their bad blood from last week is cleared before Qristyl has to pack up. Oops! I’m just guessing here, folks, but all signs point to a better-spelled future for this season of Project Runway.  Althea is named the winner and is greeted backstage with sincere hugs and smiles. Carol Hannah and Johnny are told they can leave, so it’s either the bad designer or the hot dude who has to go home.

Gee, what do you know? Qristyl has to go home. Later, Spell Check! As Logan leaves the stage, he tries to give her a pat, which she turns into a hug. He breaks free as soon as humanly possible, as if her crappy design skills are catching. Like every other person who has been kicked off this show, Qristyl KNOWS THAT SHE’S A GREAT DESIGNER, and she has SO MUCH MORE TO SHOW THE WORLD, which she DIDN’T GET THE CHANCE to do, because she was definitely SENT HOME TOO SOON. Did I cover all the cliches? Just how many more chances would she have needed to mess up before this mythical wowing would have taken place? I fear that the average human life cycle does not contain the necessary number of weeks. Anyway, we no longer have to care about Spell Check, because we will not see her again until the reunion show, by which time I almost certainly will have forgotten her. I love reading my old reviews from last season, and realizing that if I passed almost any of the designers from last season, take Keith for example, while walking down the street, I would maybe find his face familiar but not recognize him at all.

Project Runway West

First: Tim Gunn is awesome. He’s so cool, and even when faced with the craziness of some of these designers, he manages to convey both his support and his doubts. I wish that all people could have a Tim Gunn in their life.

I’m really happy that this first challenge was to design for the red carpet, instead of making an outfit out of stuff in the apartment, the clothes off the designers’ backs, trash, or supermarket finds. Those have been done to death. I was concerned when Ari said that she didn’t draw, but only because that made me think of Angela, which is always unfortunate. It’s good to know that the shameless promotion of Mood could continue with the show’s change of venue; for a second there I was worried that the designers would have to go to a Michael’s or A.C. Moore for their silk charmeuse. I don’t know if it was this group of designers, the way the editors spliced the show together, or some combination of the two, but the atmosphere in the workroom seemed pretty good. People were stressed and working hard, but I didn’t see anybody get the side-eye or be on the wrong end of a harsh word. I wonder how long this can last.

It might have annoyed me in episode five or so, but since this was the premiere, I didn’t even mind Johnny’s meltdown. He did have a valid concern, and I think that the other designers were amazingly supportive in a way that one might not have expected, given the newness of their acquaintance. Plus, Tim talked him down from the ledge and he mad it into the top three, so I hope he can carry his confidence forward, because if he does this again, I will not take it as well.

I’m shocked at how happy I was to see Nina Garcia and Michael Kors. Nobody can bitchslap a designer like those two. it was great how excited the designers were when they saw Lindsay Lohan. Nobody is that excited to see her, except for the paparazzi. I feel slightly ashamed at how surprised I was at her coherence. I know she’s not all “Dur, Sam, argh,” all the time, but I still didn’t expect her to speak as well as she did.

There were a few designs that I looooved. Shirin, Louise, Gordana, and Irina’s dresses were super. I liked Ra’Mon and Johnny’s dresses, too, but not as much. I thought that Christopher’s dress was okay, but not amazing. I was surprised that none of the women I mentioned were included in the top three. In fact, the whole top three was men; what’s up with that? I think that it would be interesting if, for one season, the designs came down the runway without the judges knowing who made them. For this to work best, I think the designers would not be able to be in the room, either. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that female designers did better when the judges didn’t know who made things. Plus, this would prevent designers from being pigeonholed as good or bad, and stop people from coasting on past successes or being punished for past disappointments. Blind judging, Project Runway. Think about it. If you use my idea, though, I’d like some credit (and free clothes).

I’m happy that Michael Kors managed to include the phrase “taste level” in the very first show. Is that a record? How can they already be worried about Qristyl’s taste after viewing only one of her designs? Going into the runway show, there were a couple of people who I worried about, but there was so many unfortunate things going on in that room that there wasn’t anybody who was a lock to go home. I was pretty unimpressed with Epperson’s dress. It looked like something that you’d wear to a fancy funeral, if such a thing exists. I’m glad that Mitchell wasn’t sent home. His dress sucked because he was given improper model measurements, not because he’s unable to design well.

I think it was nice that the person who won the first challenge was a non-fashion school graduate, because the nonnies seemed really self-conscious about everybody else knowing stuff they didn’t. I just hope they don’t spend the rest of the season harping on their feelings of inadequacy, because that would not be interesting. Of course, the loser also didn’t go to fashion school (I think!), either, but I don’t think that’s why she had to go. Her outfit was insane, and she knew that, but I think she missed the part where somebody else had to be interested in it, too. I agreed that Ari should go. She definitely had a point of view, but I can’t imagine it ever lining up with the judges’ enough to do her good on this show. And it was nice to hear her say that she learned that one should take risks responsibly; it is wearying to hear rejected contestants go on about how they were misunderstood, without acknowledging that there might have been more to it than that.

Given the fact that this is the first season of Project Runway to be cast using the Bunim-Murray people (of Real World fame), I’m surprised that there were no fist-fights, drunken hookups, or attempts to bond in a conveniently located hot tub. Malvin’s hair kind of pissed me off when I first saw it, but he doesn’t seem obnoxious, so he and his coif have grown on me. I still have zero respect for the spelling of Qristyl’s name, but from here on in, I’ll only have to see it once an episode, so I think I can keep my rage at bay. Plus, she’s on thin ice already, so if she doesn’t straighten up and fly right, she may be going home soon, meaning that I’d have to see her names zero times an episode. This would also be acceptable. The closest I came to being annoyed was with Logan’s “I’m more of a guy’s guy” comment. What did that statement add to my life? Not a thing. Maybe that’s why I thought he was going to be a pain in the ass.